In Appreciation of Amanda

I wanted to take a moment to make a vlog dedicated to my wife - who she is, what she does, and the relationship we have.  I love you Amanda!

We All Want to be Remembered

I read this article (link) earlier in the week about a college student named Kendall Wernet who died while on a cruise ship.

Before that fateful day, Kendall had some great questions and introspective statements on his company's website when reflecting on the death of Robin Williams:

This got me thinking: How will the world react when I die? Will my face be on the news? Will people say it was a terrible occurrence? What will they remember about me?

Ask yourself these same questions.

Suddenly, you start to get this weird feeling inside of you that makes you question what you are doing with your life. Because, the truth is that we all want to make a difference and leave a mark on this world. We want to be remembered.

From the article it appears that Kendall Wernet was hoping/trying to make his mark on the world and to be remembered by (a) being successful at work and (b) helping others to do so also.  Now that he's gone though, and his face is on the news, is financial and occupational success what really matters?  If there is indeed an afterlife, then the answer is "not a damned bit".  Because right now the only thing that really matters to Kendall, and Robin Williams too, is whether or not they made it into heaven.  In addition to that #1 priority, here are the most important questions to me, regarding how I impact the world before I die:

1. Did I make it to heaven?
2. Did I help others to make it there (to heaven)?
3. How much spiritual impact did I have on the world (encourage others, speak truth, etc)?
4. Did I leave a memorable legacy for my family?
• Remain true to my wife.
• Raise my kids with all of the skills and knowledge that they need.
• Have a solid, loving relationship with all of the above.
• Provide a good (as close to ideal as possible) example of what/who a man should be?
5. Was I a good friend to those around me?

All of the other things that the world looks at as successful are mostly useless.  Because all of the other "marks" you can make on the world won't last very long after you're gone from it.  And since none of us know when we're going to die (on a weird cruise ship accident, or when you're 100 years old), isn't the smartest approach to first address priority #1 in the list above?  If so then the way to do this is by turning your attention and affection to Jesus, who is the key to getting to heaven.  That way no matter when you die you'll meet this objective.

Luke 23:32-43 mentions two thieves on the crosses next to Jesus - one on each side.  One of them said "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."  Jesus assured the thief that he would indeed make it to heaven.  And that is how we should all hope to be best remembered.

Unexpected Date Night

The original plan on June 3rd was for me to attend a Reds game with a co-worker.  He volunteered to be a solicitor for ArtsWave, which is a charity organization dedicated to local artistic events and causes, and this was GE's demonstration of appreciation for his participation (say that three times fast).  It was supposed to be for GE employees only, since they were providing the tickets, which is why he invited me to go instead of his wife.  

The game was at 7pm, so I brought a change of clothes to work and was looking forward to going straight there after my workday was done.  However, at around 4:30pm, my co-worker informed me that he wasn't feeling well and was going to have to skip the game.  He was going to give me the tickets so I could still attend with someone else though.  I tried to find someone at work to go with me, but most everyone I knew was either gone for the day or unavailable, especially since it was so last minute.  So I called Amanda to see if she wanted to go and whether she could arrange for a babysitter.  

Her mom didn't want to give up taking her class at the gym, so Amanda called a few kids in our neighborhood.  Meanwhile, I drove to John's house to get the tickets from him.  He was kind enough to meet me at Kroger to reduce the drive time, but now it was 6:30pm.  I had the tickets in hand, but no sitter and no plans to actually attend the game.  I headed home to enjoy a normal night with my family.  

About halfway home, Amanda called my cell phone to inform me that someone just returned her call saying they were able to watch the kids.  We ended up getting to the game around 1/2 hour after it started, but we had free entrance, drink tickets, and great company.  

A couple of bonuses for the evening were (1) the team we played against was The San Francisco Giants, which was one of the closest teams to Sacramento (where we moved here from), and (2) the Reds won 8 to 3.

Unexpected Outdoor Activities

I finally convinced my two older kids to go outside with me today.  Amanda was picking up Clara from a birthday party, and I promised to spend some time with Lucas and Emily.  We planned to do various things like playing LEGO with my son and having a tea party with my daughter.  While those are fun things to do, I noticed the sun was out and while it was pretty cold (in the 40's) there was no snow on the ground.  I had the idea then to head outside and throw a ball around instead.

After much persuading (they wanted to stay indoors), we headed out to the front yard.  I had just grabbed a couple of balls from the garage and secured our dog on her cable in the yard when I noticed a couple waking by with their young boy and dog.  I realized that it was my co-worker - the same one that we just noticed (this morning, in fact) attend our church too.  I found out that they had just moved into the neighborhood in September.

While I was talking to him and his wife, the neighbor kids walked over and started playing with my kids.  By the time I was finished talking with my friend/co-worker, the kids had disappeared with the neighbors.  With the kids occupied, I seized the moment to work on my car for a few minutes, then decided to explore our wooded (and somewhat treacherously sloped) backyard.  This is something I've wanted to do since we moved in, but the conditions have never been favorable due to slippery fall leaves or snow.

When Lucas and Shane (the neighbor boy) noticed me in our backyard, Shane said he could show me their trail (in their backyard, which is flatter and easier to traverse).  We ended up exploring down through the woods, and into areas that I had no idea existed.  The still-present fall leaves and mud from the melted snow made climbing the slopes pretty challenging.  One time I grabbed the trunk of a small tree for support, but it was a dead tree and it immediately snapped off.  The good news is that i didn't slip down the hill from the immediate lack of support, but the bad news is that Shane (the neighbor boy) was right behind me and the broken tree hit him in the face when it gave way!  He didn't have any noticeable cuts or bruises thankfully, but it was still pretty unnerving, especially since I just met their family today (great first impression)!

In the end, it was a fun and outdoorsy evening - I met some new neighbors (one of which is also a co-worker), and I finally got better acquainted with our natural surroundings.  I also realized that the gulley in our backyard is somewhat (and unfortunately) unique to our particular property, but I'm still excited and determined to make the best of it.  Eventually I plan to figure out how to make a trail through our backyard too.  One (precarious) step at a time though.

Not Acting My Age?

I had a funny and slightly awkward moment yesterday at work.

My friend/workout partner Chris turned 26 today, and another co-worker joked that he's almost 30.  Chris said that he didn't even want to think about that (turning 30).  I then commented that "oddly enough, turning 30 was worse for me than turning 40".  Everyone, including my boss, chuckled for a second then paused and said "wait, what"?  They couldn't believe that I am past 40 (I'll be 42 in July).  Chris made me show him my license.

Part of me thinks this is great because I must look young.  And part of me wonders if it could just mean that I act and/or dress too immature for my age.

Valentine's Day 2013

While not perfect, this was a pretty successful Valentine's Day.  

I can't help but tilt my head sideways a bit when reading my own words though.  Why "successful", instead of "romantic" or something like that?  To me, the idea of this holiday is to do my best to make Amanda happy - to be romantic and "woo" her.  Ideally, every day would be like that (or perhaps once a month)?  But heck, with life and kids, and work, and stress, and busy-ness, I'll use Valentine's day as motivation to make it at least one day a year.  So this year:

We solidified babysitters for a dinner date to a Thai restaurant called The Banana Leaf (although Amanda picked the restaurant and made the reservation).  

Then I surprised her by putting a dozen red heart balloons (seen in the picture below) in her minivan the night before.  So they were there when she went to take Clara to pre-school.

Next, I bought a dozen red roses to bring home after work (also seen in the picture).

I also bought her an anklet, which I gave to her at dinner.

And finally, I wrote her a poem (below).  The only problem was that I didn't have time to purchase a card to write the poem in.  So I had to improvise and let her read it on my smart phone.

To have this time together now

Is really quite divine

A rare night out with you my love

My only Valentine

To gaze into your moonlit eyes

Upon a midnight clear

Is on the list of things that I

Hold wonderful and dear

Across a table candelit

A rare treat to behold

Touching feet discreetly now

Aware of what's foretold

Finally we are all alone

Away from normalcy

Drag each other further down

Beneath the blanket sea

Then up above sensory heights

Until we reach the shore

Hold you in my arms so tight

Beyond forever more.

Then back to life we go again

Pursuing happiness

Running hand in hand through this

Suburban wilderness

I love you wife.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Happy 18th Dating Anniversary to my Wife

We kissed upon that New Year’s Eve
So many years ago
The holiday was fake
but still true love was sure to grow

And grow it did from small to big
And then it didn't stop
Until it filled up both our lives
and sealed with a rock (ring)

Now here we are with kids and cars
and life in both our names
Working hard to do our part
with little time for games

But in our bed and in my head
you remind me why we both have said
That with these rings we do thee wed
Til death do part, our hearts are fed

I love you dear, this much is true
Though ups and downs may come
Life is grand because of you
Together til it's done.

Some Nights, Some Days

I know I lead a blessed life and most of my problems are "first world problems", but there are some moments when I get really annoyed that I can't escape my responsibilities.

NIGHTS:
Last night, for example.  It was Friday night, and a much needed payday too.  What I really wanted to do was celebrate - go out with Amanda to grab a beer at a sports bar with some friends.  Hang out, socialize - just relax and enjoy life a bit.  But instead we went to Panda Express for dinner to go, and we introduced the kids to "Willow" (they only finished the first half before it was bedtime).  And that was fine and fun.  Then the kids went to bed, and Amanda and I went downstairs to mess around on the computers (Amanda is addicted to 365project, and I like enjoy browsing through the cleaner posts on The Chive), followed by us watching an episode of "The Walking Dead".  Then we went to bed.

I know, I know.  We could have gotten up and done something different.  It's not like we didn't have any choices in the matter of what we could do at home.  But there are some nights when I just don't feel like doing anything here at home, in the same, normal place. Especially when it's just so easy to default to our routine.

I also miss spending time with friends.  I love being with my wife more than anyone else in the world, but sometimes I really want to be with other people too.  Also, I seriously enjoy my family here (Mom and Dad C., Katie and Jimmy, etc), even more than I thought I would before we moved here.  But sometimes I want to be with peers - people of my age group, in similar circumstances (kids, etc), and maybe even of the same faith as us.  Don't get me wrong - I don't want any less time with our family here, I would just like to have some time with friends too.

This is the trade off of moving to Ohio though I guess, at least for now.

DAYS:
Then, this morning when I woke up to hearing the kids walking around upstairs at 6:20am, I thought about how I get up to my alarm every morning at 6:20 - 6:30am, and today I just want to sleep in a bit, damnit!  I got out of bed and let Amanda get ready for the gym (we would both go later if the kids weren't sick), then took care of getting the kids' a snack, pouring their drinks, fixing the girls' hair, and helping Lucas use an inhaler because he keeps coughing.  But oh how I would love to just sit down and ponder what to do with my day.  Or for Amanda and I to share a quiet cup of coffee together and figure out what we can do together, without having to deal with our little people, who happen to be BIG responsibilities.  Then there's the dog too.  Ugh.

Again, I know these are first world problems.  I'm sure that I sound like a whiny little brat to God, who gave me so many wonderful choices and blessings, including a job that I enjoy, a fantastic and beautiful wife, and my children who are truly freakin' awesome and incredible.  But there are just some days when I would like a little bit less responsibility, and to be able to enjoy the freedom associated with it.

Book Review: "50 Shades of Grey" by E.L. James

My wife and I had heard so damned much about this book. It's been all over the news, on Facebook, and talked about amongst Amanda's friends too (even fellow church goers). So both of us were at least a little curious to read it. It was only ~$10 for the soft cover, so Amanda decided to give it a shot. She liked it pretty well, so I decided to climb into a woman's mind and learn a little more about how their most prominent sexual organ (their brain, or so I'm told anyway) works.

 The biggest problem that I had with it is that I found myself comparing our current sex life to that of the characters in the book. But the circumstances of our life aren't anywhere close to theirs. Limited financial resources aside, when we were dating we may have equaled (or even surpassed?) their passion, and even perhaps when we were first married. But once you enter kids into the equation, sex gets pushed way down on the priority ladder. Factor in work responsibilities, financial struggles, time and location limitations (especially due to kids), general life stress, maintaining your material possessions, getting stuck in "parenting" mode, and any number of other difficulties, and all of a sudden romance and sex takes a lot more effort. It's still great and fun and wonderful when it happens, but our emotional and physical circumstances can't even come close to the story that I'm letting myself become engrossed in.

 Maybe that's part of the allure with books like this though, letting your mind wander to alternate scenarios apart from your own reality.  I can certainly appreciate that, as I enjoy that aspect about any book/story I read.  So why not one that includes graphic sex scenes too?  The best that could come out of it will be that it helps inspire me to work harder to make intimate "moments" happen in my own real-life marriage.  The worst that could result is that Amanda and I will find ourselves increasingly frustrated with our own situation and get discouraged instead of inspired.

Well, the jury is still out regarding its affect on our marriage, but I admit that I did enjoy reading it, and I didn't find any obvious annoyances with the story itself or the writing style, like I'd heard about in some critiques of it.  I thought Mrs. James did a good job of creating a believable female main character, and I appreciated her (the character's) introspection and ability to analyze the relationship, her partner, and also his "unique" requests/desires. 

I don't think this book is for everyone, but I personally enjoyed it and so did my wife.  Now if only Ms. James would write another sequel that includes the challenges associated with marriage and family life.  When taking young kids and a puppy into consideration, perhaps it could be called Fifty Shades of Brown and Yellow. :-)

Valentine's Day Success

Well, after much effort and agony (in preparation), Valentine's Day was pretty successful.  Here are some highlights:

• Amanda still had flowers that were in tact from the last time that I gave them to her, so I was able to forego getting new ones.  
• I gave her a gift in the morning (it was somewhat practical, but only at her request).  
• Wrote a small love note to her in the early afternoon.
• I arranged for two stages of babysitting for the evening...
• ...so we could go on a surprise date to Sherman Clay, where they were holding a concert called "Sweethearts and Steinway" in their recital room.  They had wine and dessert for us to consume, and a jazz trio consisting of pianist Jim Martinez, a drummer, a standing bass, and a vocalist for some of the songs (which I guess made it a quartet for those tunes).
• Before our date I gave her a (long and thoughtful) card.
• I made reservations at Mas (a kinda-upscale Mexican restaurant), for us to have dinner after the concert.
• Then I had one more small gift for her at the end of the evening.

We probably spent a bit more money than we should have, but this occasion comes only once a year, and I think the celebration/promotion of romance is worth it.  While the day had its ups and downs (as is always the case when taking care of the kids), we thoroughly enjoyed our evening together.  Of course, any date spent with Amanda is a good one though.

The Minds of Men, Regarding Marriage

On a recent work day morning, I overheard a couple of middle-aged men talking in the work cafeteria about a baseball player (Casey Daigle) whose career is struggling.  After googling the player, the man learned that his wife is Jennie Fitch, an Olympic softball player.  He then proceeded to describe her appearance (blonde, shapely, etc) and mentioned her inclusion in a SI swimsuit issue.

He then stated "No matter what he goes through with his job, it's hard to have any sympathy for him, because his life must be GOOD."

She could be a total ditz or a complete bitch, but this is the way men (generally) think - sex first.  Now, we do also have a capacity for other things that contradict this attitude, such as logic and even love, but (unfortunately) lust and sex are always present and prevalent.  Starting from the age of adolescence, up until testosterone all but disappears from our old and weakened bodies, the physical appearance of beauty in a woman captivates our attention and our desires.

Thankfully, I think that 39 years of wisdom has taught my mind and heart that while lust and sex is wonderful, it's a very small part of the overall benefit of a relationship.  Love has taught me how much more important good companionship is, and having a woman who is a good mother and who you can trust to raise your children, and being with someone who not only knows and understands you well, but also stimulates your mind and your spirit.  Logic tells me that sex lasts maybe 30-60 minutes, and takes place on average 2-3 times per week, which adds up to at most 3 hours per week, which is only 2.5% of our waking hours at best.  So even if the sex is so incredible that you cry tears of joy from it, how much does it matter compared to everything else, in the grand scheme of things?

But again, those are issues of logic and love.  And it doesn't take looking at the headlines too long to realize that the lust within a man's heart can wage a surprisingly strong battle against them.  So when I find my wife attractive, when I desire her not only because I love her but because I want her, I thank God for giving her outward beauty, as well as inward beauty,.  And I pray that I will always feel that way.

Valentines Day Advocate

Yesterday was Valentines Day.  Every year I get amazed at how few men put any effort into this holiday.  Out of probably more than a dozen men that I have asked, only one (ONE!) said that he is taking his wife out to dinner, and another is making his wife Eggs Benedict (which hardly counts in my opinion).  I've heard the argument that love shouldn't be a man-made, pressured-into holiday, but shown randomly and unexpectedly instead.  And I totally agree.  But after years of marriage, doing romantic things for each other tends to unfortunately slip away.  And that's why we men NEED Valentines Day - to remind us how our wives love being wooed and gushed over.  To light a fire under our arses and get our romantic juices flowing again (assuming they were flowing while dating).

And not only is this good for the marriage relationship, but it's good for the kids to see as well. Daughters and sons WANT to see daddy pursuing mommy and being romantic to/for her. It not only helps boys learn how to treat women and daughters to know how they should be treated, but it also helps them both to feel secure about mom and dad's love for one another.

OK, so how about this for a summary:
If there is a husband that is actively romantic on a somewhat regular basis throughout the year, then he is officially excused from participating in the commercial holiday called Valentines Day. 

However, for the other 95% of us lazy bastards, DO NOT avoid joining me in using Valentines Day as inspiration to continue to pursue romance in your marriage.  You don't have to join the crowds at a restaurant either, you just have to put forth some thought and effort to let your wife know that you care and that she is worthy of wooing and pursuing.

Work Witnessing

The bad news is that I only logged in less than half a day at work today. The good news is that for the other half I was a) participating in a weekly discussion/prayer meeting with a couple of co-workers in the morning, b) playing 3-on-3 full-court basketball during lunch (and a little beyond), and finally c) having a >3 hour discussion with a co-worker about almost every possible aspect of Christian apologetics after lunch.

He was visiting our facility from San Jose, trying to get some work done in the same closed lab as me. For the most part we had the room to ourselves, although we were interrupted briefly a few times by other co-workers coming in and out.

I have actually talked to him for quite a long time before, over a year ago I think, maybe even two. Nothing came out of it before that I was aware of. He already believes in God, but is skeptical about everything, and I mean everything else regarding not only Christianity, but all religions. In fact, he's even skeptical that there is a supernatural, spiritual world period. Especially one that occasionally crosses over and has an effect on the physical one (miracles, etc).

He's a really good thinker though, and while it made for a long and difficult discussion, I love that kind of deep rooted questioning and doubting. Not only because it challenges me and makes me think deeply about my own faith and what I believe, but also because it reminds me of myself before I became a Christian (and still sometimes now too).

Like the previous discussion, maybe nothing significant will arise in my friend's heart/mind/spirit out of this one either. But maybe some of the ideas/words from before softened his heart, if only just a little bit. And maybe this one warmed it up some too, just a little bit more. Of course, only God knows, but it wouldn't surprise me if He is just working on my friend's heart a little at a time - slowly, but surely.

I don't know the ultimate outcome yet. But whatever it may be, I can take satisfaction in just representing my faith honorably and hopefully convincingly. And as far as work goes, it's a good thing that I clocked in extra hours last week, because it looks like I'll need them now:-(

Too Busy to Bond with Thy Neighbor?

I was talking briefly this evening to my neighbor Joe, across the street. I ran out of room in my green waste disposal bin and after filling his up too, he offered to take the remainder of my tree clippings to the dumpster at his business.

When I dropped off the two big yard bags later, he was sitting outside letting his two little white dogs enjoy the fresh air. I thanked him and chatted for a minute before heading back home. But before I could turn around, he asked me if I wanted a beer and/or a cigar.

I politely declined, explaining that while that sounded good, Amanda and I were going to try to exercise (to a P90-X video). The kids were in bed, and time is of the essence. It's already a serious battle to get our butts in gear. But the longer we delay, the harder it is to get motivated. I thanked him for the offer though, and suggested maybe some other time.

After I went in the house though, I thought "Life is so darned busy, and it's so hard to just stop and bond with people. I should have taken the opportunity to spend some time with him." Exercising together is really important to me too though. One idea would have been to ask him if he wants to meet outside in an hour or so. Or I could have asked him if he was going to walk the dogs again before bed so we could hang out then.

Anyway, I'm really glad that Amanda and I worked out. We pushed through the whole hour and it felt great and rewarding. I'm just bummed that I had to sacrifice the opportunity to spend some time with my neighbor to do it. I do, however, pray that the opportunity will arise again soon, perhaps under better circumstances next time. Or maybe I'll make the effort/invite next time.

Bragging on My Better Half

Saturday evening we had a couple of families over for dinner, whom we were in a Bible study with when we lived in Florida. It was a great time to hang out, catch up with each other, and even pray for and inspire each other spiritually.

But one of the things that I enjoy the most about whenever we spend time with friends is, oddly enough, my wife Amanda. She really shines when in a group of people, especially ones that we are comfortable around and familiar with. And when she's able to just relax and cut loose, her wit spills out into the room like wine and spirits. It's a beautiful thing to watch.

I almost titled this blog "The Trophy Wife". But I think trophy wives are supposed to primarily be just eye candy. And while Amanda is definitely easy on the eyes, her personality really draws people's attention, as well as my admiration.

The real shame of this though is that since leaving Florida (where we had a solid circle of close friends) and having children (making social occasions much more difficult to arrange and/or execute), evenings like this happen only once or twice a year - at best.

Black and White and Red All Over

Some things are clearly black and white to me. There is right and there is wrong - end of story. The addition of red is for the color I see after I feel convicted that it is clearly wrong. Because my tendency in those situations is to become angry and, unfortunately, potentially offensive.

In the last week or two, there have been at least three such incidents:

1. In one case I think my points were valid, but I could have presented them more gently, especially because they were Christians. I already offered my apology to them though.
   
   
2. In another case, maybe I could have handled it a little more gently. But I did the best that I could and to be honest I feel completely justified and don't regret it one bit.
   
   
3. And the last one is the most important of the three. I care about this individual and while I don't regret bringing the topic up, I probably handled it quite poorly. I am mixed about what to do next, if anything, and I am really seeking God's wisdom.
   
   

Here's the issue: I believe there is such a thing as righteous anger, that when things are blatantly wrong that people should get angry about it. And when I look around and see everybody keeping their lips shut and their faces turned away, ignoring the elephant in the room, I simply can take it no more. Ideally though, what I really want is to be gentle and speak lovingly, while still being outwardly honest with what burns inside me as The Truth.

However, and this may sound surprising - I really don't want to be the one to say something - I know I'm horrible at it. I am much more proficient at angering people and turning them against the very cause that I am professing, than I am at convincing them. I would much rather the job be given to someone else who is more capable and able than I. But still, I strongly believe that something should be said, no it must be said. And if no one else is going to speak up than it's better to let the words out of my own mouth and risk alienating myself than to keep quiet and silent in fear of retribution. Maybe another way of putting it is that I would rather get my @$$ kicked than to back away in cowardice.

Are we really talking bravado and chivalry here though, or just foolishness and hastiness? That is the biggest question. How can I speak what I wholeheartedly think is the truth, while still adequately or perhaps even proficiently be representing Jesus? If I were truly speaking words of wisdom, wouldn't they be convincing and thought provoking, instead of abrasive and provoking others only to anger.

Even Jesus angered people though, particularly the pharisees and money changers. On the other hand, that form of righteous anger was expressed specifically against people who were misrepresenting God or disgracing His house (the church). So does that mean I should only get angry, or at least express my anger, if the subject in question is about God?

As you can see, this subject has been coming up a lot lately, and I hate the conflict resulting from it. Don't get me wrong, I can handle the alienation part, or even the un-friending (from Facebook especially), but I am earnestly praying about, and I think I will even fast some of next week for the following:

1. That I would be absolutely certain about my position and the facts surrounding it before I make my opinion known.
   
   
2. That I could speak (or type) in a way that communicates my position and/or inspires change, instead of just causing anger and rejection.
   
   
3. Most importantly, that I can represent my God and my Savior. Am I talking or speaking in a way that pleases God? Will people grow closer to Jesus as a result, or reject everything that I say and stand for from now on?
   
   
4. That I would have wisdom for knowing whether I should make amends for any hurt or offense that I have caused. And if so, then how do I go about it?

ER, Table for Two Please

During labor and her stay in the hospital, Amanda's blood pressure was measuring a little on the higher side. So the hospital staff suggested that she keep an eye on it and if it remains high to come back to the labor unit for them to evaluate her for pre-eclampsia.

Since leaving the hospital, Amanda has kept an eye on her blood pressure by checking it periodically at grocery stores. Then on Tuesday, after seeing it measure high once again, she called the doctor and he suggested that she come to the hospital (pictured below) for evaluation.
Thankfully, we were able to leave our two oldest children at home (our friends and neighbors, the Walkers, deserve immense praise once again) and bring only our newborn to the hospital. We sat there for about three hours with Amanda getting her blood pressure measured every 15 minutes. Clara was asleep for almost the entire time, and all we could do was just sit there together.

Honestly (and oddly), it was great! With our busy lives and now a newborn too, we have way too little quality time together. Even when we make the effort to take an official "date", we're usually still doing things instead of just talking, joking, and reconnecting like we were able to on Tuesday.

Obviously, the solution isn't to hope for more trips to the hospital, but maybe on future dates, we should make a point sometimes of just finding a place to sit together and do nothing. Or heck, maybe we need to find a few places in and around our home that we can do the same thing, for nights that we can't find a sitter and get out, especially now that we have a newborn.

One thing is for sure though, it's moments like Tuesday's where I'm reminded of how much I enjoy my wife's company. And I realize again how much fun we're still going to have when we get older and the kids move out. Of course I love my kids and they inspire plenty of conversation (and sometimes conflict) in our marriage, but I'm confident that without them we'll still have lots of fun and plenty to talk about together.

Also, as an afterthought, while Amanda definitely looks better in the slinky black dress and shoes that I bought her for her birthday last year, she looks pretty sexy in a hospital gown too!

Jeanette Has Left the Building

Jeanette (pictured below on the day before she moved out) has vacated the premises.


A friend of ours was surprised by Amanda's resulting joy, saying "What, with that big house?".

Yes, the house is big enough for one more person, or 20 more people (depending on the culture - those Chinese can pack 'em tight). But, it's not the lack of space that makes it so nice to be without a roommate again, it's the lack of privacy, and the lack of control over your own space.

We've had a non-family member living with us since September of 2007 (first Matt, then Jeanette). Think about having a guest stay with you for that long! No matter how much space you have in your house, you'd be relieved to see them go.

We are really thankful for the extra income that the rent provided. And it was a blessing to get to know new people, especially since both of them were considerate, kind, and Christians. I'm really hoping that we can make it work financially without one though, at least for a while.

The World Revolves Around...?

I was talking to a co-worker in the gym yesterday, and he was relaying his metaphor about the solar system and how life changes through various stages. I kinda liked it, so here it is:

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When you're single, you are the Sun, and everything revolves around you.

Then when you get married, you then become the Earth and your wife becomes the sun, because your world now revolves around her. In some ways good and others bad.

After you have kids though, you then become the moon - revolving around the Earth that now represents your wife. And you are both rotating around the kids (as the sun), which have become the center of your Universe.

And the glue that holds it all together is money.
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I like it all, that is, except the ending. In fact, I gotta say that the last part really sucks.

What if the money disappears? What if you lose your job, like so many people in America (or around the world) are experiencing right now? Then what happens - the family dissolves and the "planets" drift apart?

The glue that keeps it all together - the gravity of the whole system should be the one thing in life that is stable and unchanging - God.

Valentines Day Introspection

Last night Amanda and I watched last week's episode of The Office (it aired after the Superbowl, but we just watched it online).

In it, Jim described his feelings about Pam to her dad, followed by her relaying them back (if you haven't seen it then hopefully that makes sense).

"He said that you told him how much you love me. About how you feel when I walk into a room. That you've never doubted for a second that I'm the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with."

After I rolled my eyes at Jim's perfect ladies' man persona, it really made me think honestly about my feelings for Amanda. Do I feel that way? To be sure, the fact that I even have to ask myself that question really sucks.

Then I realized - wait a second, Jim and Pam are dating. I thought back to when Amanda and I were dating. For most of it, we were at different colleges that were four hours apart. So it was a semi-long distance relationship.

What I remember is that I couldn't wait to be with Amanda - it didn't matter what we were going to do, as long as we were together. We wrote tons of letters and sent each other little things in the mail to demonstrate our love for each other. I thought about her all of the time and looked forward with great longing to the times when we could be together. We talked for hours and hours on the phone and when we were together in person we still talked endlessly then too. Almost every minute together was joyous, and every goodbye was painful.

But what about now? Has it changed and if so then what would cause it? The answer is - life! We are so darned busy and have so many responsibilities. We're taking care of our jobs, our house, our cars, and more importantly (and more time consuming) - our kids. I still love her like crazy, but I just don't get the opportunity or the luxury to focus on her or even myself that much anymore. It's sad and it sucks, but that's just the way life is right now.

Thankfully though, there are still moments of conscious appreciation here and there. Going on the occasional date together reminds me of how much fun we have and how natural and carefree we feel around each other. Seeing her walking toward us from a store when I'm waiting for her in the car with the kids. Watching her talking to someone else from a distance at a party or a social gathering. Observing what a great mom she is, especially when she's acting silly/crazy/goofy with our children.

So it's not that I don't feel like Jim's character describes his romantic inclinations. It's just that I don't get to think about those feelings much anymore. I'm just not able to fully focus on her (or anyone else for that matter) these days, in this stage of life.

Now that I am taking the time to think about it though, I realize that Amanda is still my favorite person in the world to spend time with, she still captures my heart, and she's still the only valentine I've ever had. And I'm greatly looking forward to spending next Saturday (v-day 2009) with her on a date, without the kids and hopefully without life's distractions too, at least for a little while.

Oh yeah, and Jim can bite me, I'll bet I was way smoother than him when we were dating anyway - just ask Amanda. On second thought, maybe don't.