I know I lead a blessed life and most of my problems are "first world problems", but there are some moments when I get really annoyed that I can't escape my responsibilities.
NIGHTS:
Last night, for example. It was Friday night, and a much needed payday too. What I really wanted to do was celebrate - go out with Amanda to grab a beer at a sports bar with some friends. Hang out, socialize - just relax and enjoy life a bit. But instead we went to Panda Express for dinner to go, and we introduced the kids to "Willow" (they only finished the first half before it was bedtime). And that was fine and fun. Then the kids went to bed, and Amanda and I went downstairs to mess around on the computers (Amanda is addicted to 365project, and I like enjoy browsing through the cleaner posts on The Chive), followed by us watching an episode of "The Walking Dead". Then we went to bed.
I know, I know. We could have gotten up and done something different. It's not like we didn't have any choices in the matter of what we could do at home. But there are some nights when I just don't feel like doing anything here at home, in the same, normal place. Especially when it's just so easy to default to our routine.
I also miss spending time with friends. I love being with my wife more than anyone else in the world, but sometimes I really want to be with other people too. Also, I seriously enjoy my family here (Mom and Dad C., Katie and Jimmy, etc), even more than I thought I would before we moved here. But sometimes I want to be with peers - people of my age group, in similar circumstances (kids, etc), and maybe even of the same faith as us. Don't get me wrong - I don't want any less time with our family here, I would just like to have some time with friends too.
This is the trade off of moving to Ohio though I guess, at least for now.
DAYS:
Then, this morning when I woke up to hearing the kids walking around upstairs at 6:20am, I thought about how I get up to my alarm every morning at 6:20 - 6:30am, and today I just want to sleep in a bit, damnit! I got out of bed and let Amanda get ready for the gym (we would both go later if the kids weren't sick), then took care of getting the kids' a snack, pouring their drinks, fixing the girls' hair, and helping Lucas use an inhaler because he keeps coughing. But oh how I would love to just sit down and ponder what to do with my day. Or for Amanda and I to share a quiet cup of coffee together and figure out what we can do together, without having to deal with our little people, who happen to be BIG responsibilities. Then there's the dog too. Ugh.
Again, I know these are first world problems. I'm sure that I sound like a whiny little brat to God, who gave me so many wonderful choices and blessings, including a job that I enjoy, a fantastic and beautiful wife, and my children who are truly freakin' awesome and incredible. But there are just some days when I would like a little bit less responsibility, and to be able to enjoy the freedom associated with it.
2 comments:
From Alaric Scott, on Facebook -
It's funny, I have an acquaintance I communicate with frequently who is from Trinidad and they are constantly asking how we can think we are free with so many responsibilities and desires holding us down.
From Mom C., on Facebook -
Friends will come as you live here longer. I know how you feel....that is a downside of having children. Children force you to be selfless. The spontaneity of just going and doing something that you want to do is not an option when there are three little ones depending upon you. this will come in time when the kids are not so little or when they leave the nest completely. Honestly for awhile, you are going to look back on these times and know that they were truly the best time of your life. I felt the same way as you do. Life could be tedious and boring. But it really goes quickly! My advice for you is to enjoy each moment of these days for when they are gone they truly are history! You and Mandy are very good parents and are doing a wonderful job with your children. Always remember this and try to have fun with them in the moment. You are making beautiful memories for them which they will keep with them forever. The empty nest comes quicker than you think. Dad and I are really enjoying that part of our lives now...not a whole lot things weighing us down. You'll get there too again. But really try to have fun during these "growing up years" with your kids....you'll be happier and so will the kids!
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