Black and White and Red All Over

Some things are clearly black and white to me. There is right and there is wrong - end of story. The addition of red is for the color I see after I feel convicted that it is clearly wrong. Because my tendency in those situations is to become angry and, unfortunately, potentially offensive.

In the last week or two, there have been at least three such incidents:

1. In one case I think my points were valid, but I could have presented them more gently, especially because they were Christians. I already offered my apology to them though.
   
   
2. In another case, maybe I could have handled it a little more gently. But I did the best that I could and to be honest I feel completely justified and don't regret it one bit.
   
   
3. And the last one is the most important of the three. I care about this individual and while I don't regret bringing the topic up, I probably handled it quite poorly. I am mixed about what to do next, if anything, and I am really seeking God's wisdom.
   
   

Here's the issue: I believe there is such a thing as righteous anger, that when things are blatantly wrong that people should get angry about it. And when I look around and see everybody keeping their lips shut and their faces turned away, ignoring the elephant in the room, I simply can take it no more. Ideally though, what I really want is to be gentle and speak lovingly, while still being outwardly honest with what burns inside me as The Truth.

However, and this may sound surprising - I really don't want to be the one to say something - I know I'm horrible at it. I am much more proficient at angering people and turning them against the very cause that I am professing, than I am at convincing them. I would much rather the job be given to someone else who is more capable and able than I. But still, I strongly believe that something should be said, no it must be said. And if no one else is going to speak up than it's better to let the words out of my own mouth and risk alienating myself than to keep quiet and silent in fear of retribution. Maybe another way of putting it is that I would rather get my @$$ kicked than to back away in cowardice.

Are we really talking bravado and chivalry here though, or just foolishness and hastiness? That is the biggest question. How can I speak what I wholeheartedly think is the truth, while still adequately or perhaps even proficiently be representing Jesus? If I were truly speaking words of wisdom, wouldn't they be convincing and thought provoking, instead of abrasive and provoking others only to anger.

Even Jesus angered people though, particularly the pharisees and money changers. On the other hand, that form of righteous anger was expressed specifically against people who were misrepresenting God or disgracing His house (the church). So does that mean I should only get angry, or at least express my anger, if the subject in question is about God?

As you can see, this subject has been coming up a lot lately, and I hate the conflict resulting from it. Don't get me wrong, I can handle the alienation part, or even the un-friending (from Facebook especially), but I am earnestly praying about, and I think I will even fast some of next week for the following:

1. That I would be absolutely certain about my position and the facts surrounding it before I make my opinion known.
   
   
2. That I could speak (or type) in a way that communicates my position and/or inspires change, instead of just causing anger and rejection.
   
   
3. Most importantly, that I can represent my God and my Savior. Am I talking or speaking in a way that pleases God? Will people grow closer to Jesus as a result, or reject everything that I say and stand for from now on?
   
   
4. That I would have wisdom for knowing whether I should make amends for any hurt or offense that I have caused. And if so, then how do I go about it?

Post-game Thoughts - 3rd Game

Unfortunately I wasn't able to play last week (see my Father's Day Irony post), but I did go and watch. And our team looked much improved - confident, composed, patient, and fairly skilled. We still lost by a significant amount, but the opposing team was possibly our toughest opponent yet (they had beat two of our previous opponents). The important thing was that we were heading in the right direction, and although I didn't participate in it, I was greatly encouraged.

Fast forward to this week, in what was undoubtedly (in my opinion) our worst game to date. The opposing team should have been one of our weakest competitors, with a record that is only slightly better than ours. Even if we were to lose against them, it should have at least been a close game, especially judging by our previous game.

But we lacked, well, everything. Dave (one of the players who has also assumed the non-official coaching position) noticed that we had caused about four turnovers for every one basket that was made. Our offense was completely non-existent. No one could shoot for crap, and our passing was purely pathetic. We seemed more stressed, less confident, not having as much fun.

While I made three of our baskets (not a large number, but that's almost 30% of our points), I was still seriously disappointed with my own performance. I had a couple of fast breaks (after stealing the ball and/or rebounding), but instead of driving all the way to the basket, for some reason I shot the ball from 6-8 feet away, even stopping completely on the very last shot of the game. What is my psychological problem with taking it all the way in? WTF me? Needless to say, the next time(s) I practice I'm going to do nothing but layups, from every angle. I will learn from my mistakes - oh yes, I will learn.

So it sucks to have lost again, but worse than losing is two things 1) the frustration of our team back-sliding in our performance, and 2) even worse, my own performance. While losing is a bummer, I can handle it ok. I have a really tough time though dealing with personally playing poorly.

As an afterthought, I can't help but think that the biggest difference between the last game and this one was - ME! I was playing in this one, but not in the last one. Maybe that's baloney (I hope and pray), but either way I wonder if there is anything that I can do to help everyone to feel more relaxed and confident out there - maybe I should dial down my own intensity and try to goof off and have more fun, in the hopes that it could calm everyone else down and help them relax more too. Any suggestions?

I Like It, I Love It

I've had this song in my head for about three days now -

I Like It, I Love It
by
Lyrics Born

The video isn't anything special (female objectification warning), but at least you can hear the song.

Every time that I get up on the microphone,

I gotta dedicate a rhyme to you girl C’mon...

Father's Day Irony

My Father's Day present this year was a Vasectomy.

What are you trying to say honey?

Oh yeah, and I'm a little sore about it (chuckle).

P.S. Boy am I glad that no one actually reads my blog anymore.

Post Game Reflections of My 2nd "Official" Basketball Game

Yes, we got stomped again.

Even still though, I felt like my defense was finally getting dialed in. My man got through a few times, but I felt like I was much more focused and aggressive. I had significantly more playing time (due to having less substitutes) and I think having to work harder physically helps me to push through a wall and into a second wind.

Offensively I was still horrific though. I felt pressured and panicked and I couldn't get focused and make any plays. I even lost control of the ball when driving in off of a screen (I thought I was over that stage of ball-handling clumsiness). Even my passing was off!

Regarding the other team - they were fully loaded again and their star player (a 6'2" fairly muscular black guy) was freakin' dunking the ball! He was good on defense too - so good in fact that he would just guard the lane and yell to his team to "let him through" when one of our guys would drive in. Then his team mates would just sit back and watch him swat it away each time!

I/we still have a long way to go, but it was only our 3rd game and there is more than half of the season left. We have lost - no, we have gotten slaughtered in each of our 3 games, but for some reason I have hope that by the end of the season our individual skills, our stamina, and our teamwork will be much more improved.

I just hope everyone else on the team feels that way, lest they get discouraged from the losses.

Blessings from the Bus

I had to ride the bus to work again yesterday.

Admittedly, I have been in a bit of a negative funk lately (these spells come and go periodically). I can analyze the causes as being overly busy, under funded, improper health maintenance (lack of sleep and exercise), and on this day it was also encouraged by having to deal with a lack of transportation.

I was reading stuff for work as the bus transported me to it, but subconsciously I was also noticing the other passengers. One man got on and headed straight for the back. He had a few tattoos, was wearing a black muscle shirt, and had a mostly gray mustache.

He immediately started talking to another guy in the back that he recognized - about how he was attending anger management classes. Then he talked about how happy he was to have found a job yesterday as a telemarketer, since not many people want to hire him with his background (prison?). He also mentioned that he has another job opportunity running a jack-hammer on a construction site, but he's done it before and it can wreak havoc on your body - he would wake up in the middle of the night with the shakes, still feeling like he was running it. He also mentioned going to church on Sunday and how happy he was also happy to have bought a bicycle yesterday.

Another couple of passengers arrived now - a man with his 4-6 year old daughter. The man was thin, dressed in skater garb and had more tattoos than the first guy. He was holding his daughter's hand with one hand, and using a metal cane with the other. When they sat behind me, I could hear that he was really sweet on his daughter, just totally into being her dad. When he asked the other guys for a cigarette he ended up explaining to them about his injury. I think I heard him say that he had a titanium rod in his leg now. When he and his daughter reached their stop and he limped past me to leave, I could see that despite his attire and ink, he looked pretty weathered, and may have even been older than me.

These people sounded like they were good hearted - they had rough lives and were just trying to get by. I'm sure some of their problems were due to bad decisions, bad circumstances and/or their own personal demons/struggles. But whatever the reason, it seemed to me that these were the type of people that Jesus had the most compassion for - the humble and the broken. And it made me, with my bad mood due to such minor problems and grievances, feel totally blessed for the circumstances of my own life. Thank you God.

Post-Game Thoughts of My First Official Basketball Game

Since tonight will be my second ever official basketball game (with a ref, etc), I am posting my thoughts on the previous game that I played, in which we lost by a score of 89-33. That and because I just don't have time to organize my thoughts enough to post anything new right now.

===============================================

I played ball twice at work this week (Monday and Wednesday), both times coming up with a decent amount of baskets, getting a decent amount of rebounds, playing some pretty decent defense, and not feeling too winded either. I was feeling pretty good going into this game.

Everything changed once both teams hit the court though. The best I can figure is this:

• I’m usually one of the taller guys on the court. Not so tonight.
• I got tired much quicker, despite the advantage of air conditioning and a nice court (I usually play on blacktop outside in the afternoon sun). I think it’s because a real game against unfamiliar opponents causes more stress and therefore much quicker energy drain.
• I have told myself in the past that the main goal of playing basketball is to build relationships (with the guys on both teams), get some exercise, and have fun in the process. Getting better at playing the game and sometimes winning it are the two bonuses to the equation. I didn’t feel that way tonight though – I wanted to win, and once I realized that wasn’t going to happen then I wanted to at least figure them out and start playing a little catch up. Heck, they must be getting tired at least – right? I mean COME ON!!
• I want to find the balance between wanting to compete and trying to have fun. I know both are possible together, but I think it ended up feeling more like a battle to me, instead of just a game. And losing a battle sucks a lot more than losing a game.
• Part of me wants revenge. I want to watch tape of them, figure out their weaknesses, practice until our legs collapse and we’re throwing up, and then KICK THEIR ASSES next time. Or at the very least surprise them with a good run for their money. And the other part is saying “Damnit Mike, just relax, take a deep breath, and let it go…”
• Those guys had height, they had strength, they had skills, they had endurance. And you can be damned well sure that they have played together before, perhaps for numerous seasons. They didn’t let up, didn’t slow down. They shot well, drove hard, and hit the boards hard. They were good, maybe even too good for this division.
• We on the other hand, have just played our first game together as a team. I don’t know about anyone else, but that was the first time that I have played a real game (with a ref, a hardwood court, etc) at all. I think we have decent skills and aggression, and we should certainly be competitive. But we don’t have unity and team coordination yet, and all of our endurance can use some work. It will come though - I am all but certain of it.
• Oh, and one more thing – COME ON REF! CAN MR. MAGOO GIVE US A FOUL ONCE IN A WHILE? Geesh.

It was a pleasure and honor to play with you guys today. Now I’m going to go drink some wine, eat some dark chocolate and be ready for practice on Saturday – starting between 8:30 and 9am at Diamond Oaks Park. look forward to seeing you all then. And please feel free to invite your wives and kids to play at the park there too. That way everyone in the family is happy with the idea.

Newborn Nuisance

This transition from 2 to 3 children has definitely been rough. Before Clara was born, I had just recently reestablished my priorities and had begun making more time for God and exercise. I was even going to bed at a more reasonable hour. Over the last month and a half though (since Clara joined us), it has all gone to pot.

In my head, I knew that this was coming. It was expected, yet it still sucks. We've had to deal with sleepless nights, thrush, acid reflux, bacterial infections, divided attentions, and the utter elimination of free time.

I haven't even had time to blog in a while, and now when I do it's nothing but whining. Things are beginning to improve a little bit though, so hopefully the next post will be better.

As you can see in the picture below, Clara really is a cute little baby- even with her crazy purple slimy alien mouth (due to the thrush medicine). And despite what this blog title may indicate, she really isn't a nuisance.


(Previously mentioned on Facebook): I think I have a great idea for a new weapon for the military is to develop - a super effective psychological one that they could air drop behind enemy lines. Ready for it?... Solar powered speaker boxes with super amplified, constantly looping playbacks of newborn babies crying. I almost guarantee that after about 1-2 hours of their mission it would demoralize the enemy to the point of their surrender.

It's Too Precious of a Commodity

I think I am almost done with what very well may be the last game of Scrabble that I ever play on Facebook. I was undefeated going into it, and I was somewhat determined to stay that way. I spent entirely too much time trying to come up with the best possible move, all to no avail.

It's now just time down the drain that I could have spend doing oh so many other things, such as blogging, exercising, working on our family web page, spending some personal time with God, etc.

My free time is just too valuable for wasting it like that, especially now with a newborn baby.

ER, Table for Two Please

During labor and her stay in the hospital, Amanda's blood pressure was measuring a little on the higher side. So the hospital staff suggested that she keep an eye on it and if it remains high to come back to the labor unit for them to evaluate her for pre-eclampsia.

Since leaving the hospital, Amanda has kept an eye on her blood pressure by checking it periodically at grocery stores. Then on Tuesday, after seeing it measure high once again, she called the doctor and he suggested that she come to the hospital (pictured below) for evaluation.
Thankfully, we were able to leave our two oldest children at home (our friends and neighbors, the Walkers, deserve immense praise once again) and bring only our newborn to the hospital. We sat there for about three hours with Amanda getting her blood pressure measured every 15 minutes. Clara was asleep for almost the entire time, and all we could do was just sit there together.

Honestly (and oddly), it was great! With our busy lives and now a newborn too, we have way too little quality time together. Even when we make the effort to take an official "date", we're usually still doing things instead of just talking, joking, and reconnecting like we were able to on Tuesday.

Obviously, the solution isn't to hope for more trips to the hospital, but maybe on future dates, we should make a point sometimes of just finding a place to sit together and do nothing. Or heck, maybe we need to find a few places in and around our home that we can do the same thing, for nights that we can't find a sitter and get out, especially now that we have a newborn.

One thing is for sure though, it's moments like Tuesday's where I'm reminded of how much I enjoy my wife's company. And I realize again how much fun we're still going to have when we get older and the kids move out. Of course I love my kids and they inspire plenty of conversation (and sometimes conflict) in our marriage, but I'm confident that without them we'll still have lots of fun and plenty to talk about together.

Also, as an afterthought, while Amanda definitely looks better in the slinky black dress and shoes that I bought her for her birthday last year, she looks pretty sexy in a hospital gown too!

Athlete's Toothpaste

I am usually running late to my car pool. So a little while ago I decided to set priorities in the morning. Then if (really when) I am running late, I can cut out steps to my routine at the last minute to avoid keeping my car pool waiting longer than absolutely necessary.

Well today, after 2 weeks off of work and not enough sleep due to our newborn, I was of course running late. So I grabbed my toothbrush and a small travel-sized tube of toothpaste, and I planned to brush my teeth in the bathroom at work (after my coffee and oatmeal breakfast) like I've done numerous times before.

After talking to numerous people who were welcoming me back and congratulating me on the new baby, with my stinky morning breath, I finally headed to the bathroom to purify my pie hole. I loaded up the brush, lifted it to my mouth, then had a sudden, almost fleeting thought "Was the toothpaste tube larger than I remember?" I looked down at the blank white tube as I was moving the brush toward my face, then turned it over - athlete's foot creme.

I just barely managed to avoid a close call, and that was good. But now I was unable to brush my teeth! So I continued on with my day, and the greetings, welcoming back, congratulations, meetings, work discussions, etc knowing that I was probably torturing the olfactory senses of every poor soul I encountered. And humiliating myself too.

Another Book Bites the Dust

Another book review, of one called Icy Sparks. Online here.