Post-Thanksgiving Depression

Nothing too serious - just feeling down, frustrated, discouraged, maybe a little depressed.

I had one day to myself last (Thanksgiving) week, and I spent the whole day working on a faith-related project, which in and of itself is good.  But based on previous historical evidence I doubt that I'll see any fruits from my effort/labor.  Not only that but I'm still not done with it.

In addition to that one project, I worked on several other home related projects during the last few days of vacation, and I wasn't able to finish any of them.  

I had some fun with the kids here and there, but mostly I really wanted some free time during the vacation.  I didn't get much, not nearly enough.  Is it ever enough though?   I would love not only time to myself but also more time with Amanda.  Time to chill, hang out, exercise, watch movies, whatever.  Truth be told, we get more date nights than most couples, but multiple days with the kids at home gets old, especially when the weather isn't too great for them to go outside and play

I realized my life is blessed, and nothing is really wrong, but nothing is really right either.  I just feel a little lost, frustrated with what feels like a lack of choices (with money and time) and a lack of accomplishments lately.

A Deeper Level of Thankfulness?

Over the years, I’ve mostly gotten used to not having the nicest stuff, or even having a lot of flexibility in our budget to afford spending much money on new “things”. Being unemployed for six months certainly didn’t help, and now although I have a good job with decent pay, we’re still trying to get caught up from the unemployment time, our relocation expenses, our recent trip to Florida for my brother’s 30^th birthday, and on and on.

This morning though, the Cincinnati Enquirer has “5 pounds worth of savings for Black Friday” in it. So I looked in the Target ad, and instantly wanted the 50” 1080p TV for $350, and the 61-key keyboard for $70, and to get the Canon Rebel camera package for Amanda (including memory card and telephoto lens) for $500. Man, what deals! And I started to see how people get so caught up that they wait in lines overnight or longer to conquer these savings and get this new stuff!

I have no doubt that the perspective of our financial status is based on our culture (what we see on TV, in the ads, etc), and on those around us (our neighbors, friends, co-workers, etc). So it’s difficult if not impossible to think that we ever have “enough”, or to not want more, because we see all of the things around us that we don’t have.

The perspective of our gratitude though, is dependent of our heart, and of our relationship to God.  I’m currently reading a book (that Amanda has already read), called “One Thousand Gifts”. In it, the author talks about the original text that is written to describe Jesus “giving thanks” at the last supper in Luke 22:19, which is eucharisteo. Jesus knew He was going to be tortured, crucified, and (even worse?) separated from God, yet still He was able to be grateful for what He had at that very moment.  Numerous other verses are cited too, where Jesus thanks God after or during difficult times. Then too, when Jesus healed the 10 lepers in Luke 17 and only one came back to thank Him, Jesus replied “Stand up and go, your faith has saved you” (the most literal translation).

They were all physically healed, but the one who was thankful was saved. Of course, this doesn't mean that thankfulness is the source of salvation. But our ability to focus on God is very largely dependent on turning our attention and our desires away from our culture and/or our friends. Then we can be thankful for all of the things that we have, instead of looking longingly at that which we do not.

And you might want to put down those ads.  They'll get you every time!  

Valentine's Day Success

Well, after much effort and agony (in preparation), Valentine's Day was pretty successful.  Here are some highlights:

• Amanda still had flowers that were in tact from the last time that I gave them to her, so I was able to forego getting new ones.  
• I gave her a gift in the morning (it was somewhat practical, but only at her request).  
• Wrote a small love note to her in the early afternoon.
• I arranged for two stages of babysitting for the evening...
• ...so we could go on a surprise date to Sherman Clay, where they were holding a concert called "Sweethearts and Steinway" in their recital room.  They had wine and dessert for us to consume, and a jazz trio consisting of pianist Jim Martinez, a drummer, a standing bass, and a vocalist for some of the songs (which I guess made it a quartet for those tunes).
• Before our date I gave her a (long and thoughtful) card.
• I made reservations at Mas (a kinda-upscale Mexican restaurant), for us to have dinner after the concert.
• Then I had one more small gift for her at the end of the evening.

We probably spent a bit more money than we should have, but this occasion comes only once a year, and I think the celebration/promotion of romance is worth it.  While the day had its ups and downs (as is always the case when taking care of the kids), we thoroughly enjoyed our evening together.  Of course, any date spent with Amanda is a good one though.

"You Wanna Get Outa Here?"

I just got back from meeting my brother and his friend Troy at a nearby bar (The Post Time Lounge).  You know the character that's played by Ryan Gosling in the movie Crazy Stupid Love?  Well, my brother is Jacob Palmer in real life, only more manly.  No joke, it's almost amazing to watch really.

Does it Really Seem Like 11 Years?

Today is Amanda and my 11 year wedding anniversary.  It doesn't seem anywhere near as big or exciting as last year's.  In fact, now that we passed the big 1-0, I'm guessing only every 5 year increment will really seem like a big deal.  Still though, every year is definitely worthy of some celebration.

We bought (somewhat) expensive tickets to a play for tonight, and we'll go out to a decent dinner before that too.  So we're not being completely cheap about it, but we didn't get each other much in the way of gifts this year.  I did try to surprise Amanda with one gift though - getting our wedding videos (VHS and a smaller tape (8mm?)) converted to DVD.  Unfortunately, Lucas blew the surprise part of the gift earlier in the week (I'll be sure to go alone for any attempted surprises next time).  It was fun for us to watch the videos this morning though, even if the kids were completely bored after 5 minutes of it.

My mother-in-law asked me this question on Facebook today

"It doesn't seem like 11 years, does it?"

which is actually what inspired this blog post to begin with.  So to answer her:

One one hand, 11 years sounds much longer than it feels.  This is due to me loving and enjoying being with Amanda even more than the first day of our marriage.  We haven't changed all that much in our appearances either.  I weigh maybe 5 pounds more than our wedding day (I have to eat significantly less than I used to though).  I have all of my hair, even if there is a growing amount of salt mixed in the pepper now.  Amanda is still petite and sexy also.  She keeps herself in shape and ages really well.  So I would answer "no" to that question when thinking of these aspects of the passed years.

On the other hand though, the events that we watched on the video seem like another whole lifetime ago.  Look at those fresh young faces in the video!  They don't have any idea what it will be like to be parents yet..  They are living in an entirely different corner of the country, with no idea of where they're going yet. We point out Aunt Katie and Uncle Steve to our kids, but they look so much younger than they do now too.  I point out my dad whenever he steps into the camera's view, because he died before any of our kids were born.  We see Amanda's grandma in the video too, who just recently passed away..

So it seems like Amanda and I have been through so much together over these last 11 years, and our lives are so different now than what they were on our wedding day.  And there are people who we care about who are no longer with us now too.  So yes, it seems like at least 11 years.

As far as our marriage goes though, it feels like it's been at least 11 wonderful years together.

Valentines Day Advocate

Yesterday was Valentines Day.  Every year I get amazed at how few men put any effort into this holiday.  Out of probably more than a dozen men that I have asked, only one (ONE!) said that he is taking his wife out to dinner, and another is making his wife Eggs Benedict (which hardly counts in my opinion).  I've heard the argument that love shouldn't be a man-made, pressured-into holiday, but shown randomly and unexpectedly instead.  And I totally agree.  But after years of marriage, doing romantic things for each other tends to unfortunately slip away.  And that's why we men NEED Valentines Day - to remind us how our wives love being wooed and gushed over.  To light a fire under our arses and get our romantic juices flowing again (assuming they were flowing while dating).

And not only is this good for the marriage relationship, but it's good for the kids to see as well. Daughters and sons WANT to see daddy pursuing mommy and being romantic to/for her. It not only helps boys learn how to treat women and daughters to know how they should be treated, but it also helps them both to feel secure about mom and dad's love for one another.

OK, so how about this for a summary:
If there is a husband that is actively romantic on a somewhat regular basis throughout the year, then he is officially excused from participating in the commercial holiday called Valentines Day. 

However, for the other 95% of us lazy bastards, DO NOT avoid joining me in using Valentines Day as inspiration to continue to pursue romance in your marriage.  You don't have to join the crowds at a restaurant either, you just have to put forth some thought and effort to let your wife know that you care and that she is worthy of wooing and pursuing.

Halloween Appreciation

As a dad, Halloween is quite possibly my favorite holiday.

There's no pressure to spend a lot of money on presents, nor do we need to put together a basket full of goodies. It's community-oriented, as people actually walk around and communicate with each other (albeit minimally). I get a kick out of seeing the costumes, both on my kids and on those coming to the door. And the kids really enjoy it too!

My Mind Isn't the Only Thing Either

Well, tomorrow we will take our annual family picture. To prepare for the event, I gave myself a much needed haircut. It came out OK, about as good as usual, which is pretty darned good for the price (free). However, in the process of doing so, I noticed something unusual in my profile - I AM LOSING MY CHIN and JAWLINE!

I knew that I am in the worst shape of my life, due to a combination of lack of exercise (no basketball even, due to rain), and an abundance of holiday treats. But now I am seeing the proof of it in places that I never have before. Drastic action must be taken!

I really should kick my own ass through a fast of some sort - perhaps 1 day of water only, or 3 days of juice only? But it's so damn hard to get motivated for the self-torture. I'm getting soft both physically and mentally - I know it and I hate it, but here I am. For the moment anyway.

I did just purchase the P-90X DVD set (through Craigslist for $50), but now I need to buy some additional equipment to use with it. But more difficult than acquiring the hardware is figuring out how to fit a regular (as close to daily as possible) exercise time into our schedule. Ugh.

Father's Day Irony

My Father's Day present this year was a Vasectomy.

What are you trying to say honey?

Oh yeah, and I'm a little sore about it (chuckle).

P.S. Boy am I glad that no one actually reads my blog anymore.

Valentines Day Introspection

Last night Amanda and I watched last week's episode of The Office (it aired after the Superbowl, but we just watched it online).

In it, Jim described his feelings about Pam to her dad, followed by her relaying them back (if you haven't seen it then hopefully that makes sense).

"He said that you told him how much you love me. About how you feel when I walk into a room. That you've never doubted for a second that I'm the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with."

After I rolled my eyes at Jim's perfect ladies' man persona, it really made me think honestly about my feelings for Amanda. Do I feel that way? To be sure, the fact that I even have to ask myself that question really sucks.

Then I realized - wait a second, Jim and Pam are dating. I thought back to when Amanda and I were dating. For most of it, we were at different colleges that were four hours apart. So it was a semi-long distance relationship.

What I remember is that I couldn't wait to be with Amanda - it didn't matter what we were going to do, as long as we were together. We wrote tons of letters and sent each other little things in the mail to demonstrate our love for each other. I thought about her all of the time and looked forward with great longing to the times when we could be together. We talked for hours and hours on the phone and when we were together in person we still talked endlessly then too. Almost every minute together was joyous, and every goodbye was painful.

But what about now? Has it changed and if so then what would cause it? The answer is - life! We are so darned busy and have so many responsibilities. We're taking care of our jobs, our house, our cars, and more importantly (and more time consuming) - our kids. I still love her like crazy, but I just don't get the opportunity or the luxury to focus on her or even myself that much anymore. It's sad and it sucks, but that's just the way life is right now.

Thankfully though, there are still moments of conscious appreciation here and there. Going on the occasional date together reminds me of how much fun we have and how natural and carefree we feel around each other. Seeing her walking toward us from a store when I'm waiting for her in the car with the kids. Watching her talking to someone else from a distance at a party or a social gathering. Observing what a great mom she is, especially when she's acting silly/crazy/goofy with our children.

So it's not that I don't feel like Jim's character describes his romantic inclinations. It's just that I don't get to think about those feelings much anymore. I'm just not able to fully focus on her (or anyone else for that matter) these days, in this stage of life.

Now that I am taking the time to think about it though, I realize that Amanda is still my favorite person in the world to spend time with, she still captures my heart, and she's still the only valentine I've ever had. And I'm greatly looking forward to spending next Saturday (v-day 2009) with her on a date, without the kids and hopefully without life's distractions too, at least for a little while.

Oh yeah, and Jim can bite me, I'll bet I was way smoother than him when we were dating anyway - just ask Amanda. On second thought, maybe don't.

Bummer #3

While most people are having time off for Christmas and New Years vacation - I am and have been working every week day except Christmas and New Years day.

The reason for this is two-fold. 1) I am trying to catch up to my schedule on a particular task. 2) I'm gaining time off to use when child #3 is born.

So I'm glad to be able to (hopefully) catch up with my project and also to have more time off for a new baby. But it still sucks for now.

Work Christmas Parties

Last weekend (I know it's sad that I'm just now posting about it) were the Christmas parties for both my job, and Amanda's job (she works a few hours each week at our church). Both were memorable, but there were many highlights from my company's party, including...

• The food was absolutely excellent, with plenty of tasty appetizers, a great selection and quality for the main course, and scrumptious desserts as well.
  
  
• The open bar was nice, even if I don't take advantage of it as much as most guys did. I did enjoy a Whiskey Sour, a glass of wine, and a shot of Tequila (along with a dozen other employees, all at once). The drinks were spread out throughout the night though, so I didn't even feel any affect from them.
  
  
• The scavenger hunt was fun, but our table got robbed. We actually came in 2nd place on points, but the DJ used a dance off as a tiebreaker for 3rd place to somehow screw us over. Our theory is that my boss' table either wins or places every year, so the DJ just wanted to let someone else win for a change.
  
  
• They also had two raffle drawings - one for the employees and one for their guests. Well, Amanda and I won something from both of the drawings. Our prizes were a Happy Feet DVD (a kid's movie with penguins that we've never seen before), and a $25 gift card for Shell gas (which we used on the way home).

We don't get out much, let alone go places that give us a reason to dress up too, then prizes to boot! It was a fun and blessed evening.

Christmas Calculations

I read an interesting news article today about Jesus' birth. Using computer calculations, astronomers can track the exact location of the planets in our solar system at any point in the last several thousand years of time.

In doing so, it was realized that on June 17 in the year 2BC the planets were aligned such that both Venus and Jupiter were almost overlapping each other relevant to Earth's location. The two planets together would have shone with a great intensity and could very well be what was described in the Bible as the star representing Jesus' birth.

You can read the full article here.

Christmas Question

What would Christmas be like if you could redo it completely, starting from scratch? No presents, no Christmas trees, no Santa, no ornaments, lights, holly, mistletoe - just erase all of it and start over.

With all of that stuff gone, all you have left is Jesus' birthday, right? So now what can you think of to do on Christmas day to celebrate it? What traditions, if any, would you now want to start with your family?

Thanksgiving Weekend Details

Thanksgiving weekend was fun filled and eventful, including the following activities:

• I arranged a boyz night out on the town on Wednesday night. One of them suggested going to Old Town Roseville. For such a small-town downtown, I was pretty impressed. They have six clubs within a 1/2 mile square area and we hit each of them that night, since none of them were charging a cover. We got drinks at two of them, played darts in another, then played pool in yet another one. We just walked into and back out of the others to check them out. I can't remember the last time I went club/bar hopping, so I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
  
  
• Amanda and I ran/walked in a 10K on Thursday morning, in the Run For the Hungry. Unfortunately, Amanda wrenched her ankle on the way to the starting line. She's tough as nails though, so she still wanted to run it. We had originally planned to do the 5K, but that crowd was so thick that it was difficult to maneuver the double jogger though it. Since we were both feeling good at the point where the two routes split, we decided to participate in the 10K instead. About halfway through though, Amanda's ankle was bothering her again - along with her leg, knee, hip on that side (probably from favoring the ankle). So we walked a good portion of the 2nd half.
  
  
• Our family ate Thanksgiving dinner with another family from church, Greg and Elise Winter, and their son Zachary. They invited us over to their house and made some absolutely incredible food. And Marilyn's (another guest they invited over) cheese cake was some of the best I have ever tasted too.
  
  
• We actually joined the fray on Friday to purchase a multi-purpose HP printer from Best Buy and I got a little taste of man heaven at Harbor Freight Tools. The coupon prices were phenomenal, so I bought a decent amount of various tools and project helpers for only $40 total.

Thanksgiving Dinner Pictures

Ok, not really. These are pictures of toxic sludge that I cleaned out from my sink drain over the weekend. It gets so full of this nasty goo that the water barely drains anymore.

<-- The drain stopper.

This is the second time that I've cleaned it in the two years that we've been here. The only thing that could possibly be causing this is a combination of shaving stubble, toothpaste, soap, some leave-in conditioner, and perhaps the hard California water?

The drain.-->

But we've been in two other houses for five years prior to this one, and my cleaning and preening routine has never caused a problem such as this one before. So what's different now - the plumbing in this house? The water?

<-- The trap.

All I do know is that the sludge that results from cleaning it is some of the grossest, nastiest looking junk that I have ever seen. Thankfully, at least it doesn't smell bad too.


Oh, and our Thanksgiving was actually really awesome. Our friends from church, Greg and Elise Winter, invited us over to their house for dinner. They made some absolutely incredible food. And Marilyn's (another guest they invited over) cheese cake was some of the best I have ever tasted too.