Sunday, November 05, 2006

What Were We Thinking Again?

Now that we have a newborn and a toddler, there have been more moments that ever before when I remember with great longing the way our lives used to be before children. I miss the freedom to travel, to eat out, to relax, even to simply go see a movie. I miss staying out late because we didn't have any reason to be home (such as putting the kids to bed), and because we could sleep in on the weekends. I miss feeling well rested from actually getting a good night's sleep, going running together, working out at the gym together, and hitting the occasional nude beach together. I miss the financial benefit of both of us having decent careers and the associated dual income.

Back in the day - on vacation in Tennessee.

But Lucas has the most precious smile and the brightest brown eyes I have ever seen. He makes my mouth and my heart smile in ways that I would have never known, that only your own child can show you. His readiness to dance, and act silly demolishes my adult tendencies to be overly restrained and concerned about what others think of me. He makes me feel manly in a whole different way, as a father who now has the responsibility of not only protecting and caring for someone else, but also setting the example of what being a man is all about. And the importance of this is so potently evident as he is already watching and mimicking my every action.

Emily is still at that early stage where she's certainly cute, and I cherish the occasional smile I get while I'm holding her. But she can be so darned fussy and difficult, more than I ever remember Lucas being. And as small as she is, that voice can pierce your soul like nails on a chalkboard.

Whatever the pros and cons may be, it's too late to turn back now. So I guess we'll have to continue growing, learning, and maturing. Not to mention depending on God to grant us wisdom, grace, and patience, as we definitely have been praying for these things more since becoming parents.

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