Book Review: "Heaven is for Real" by Todd Burpo

After driving for several days on our moving trip from Sacramento to Cincinnati, we stopped at a Cracker Barrel for two reasons: (1) for dinner (we really like their food, and there aren't any CB's on the West coast), (2) to purchase an audio book on CD to help entertain us for some portion of the remainder of the trip.  We wanted to listen to a book that was not only interesting, but also kid friendly.  Amanda found this one, which we had read about in a news article a while back.

I had fairly recently read a book about another individual's "heavenly" experience called 90 Minutes in Heaven (link is to my review), and I was curious to hear the perspective of this little boy.  Similar to the other book, the author went through a great deal of effort to legitimize not only the information that his son relayed to him, but also the method with which they obtained it.  He made sure to explain (a) how the boy knew and observed things that could only be possible if he did indeed experience what he claims, (b) how the details of his experience cross correlate with Biblical text, and (c) how they did not coerce him or influence him in any way to say specific things.

I don't know if this story will convince atheists or skeptics that an afterworld exists, or to accept Christianity as their faith of choice.  If you're not a Christian though, and after reading/listening to this story you believe at least some of what this kid experienced as truth, then I don't see how it couldn't have some positive affect on your beliefs.

In the end, our whole family found this to be an interesting, enlightening, and inspirational story.  It made not only some of our journey in the car more enjoyable, but perhaps some of our journey in life too.

Brotherly Introspection

My brother Steven visited us for a few days in the last week of July.  The last time I had the opportunity to hang out with him was in Orlando last year, for Thanksgiving.  I even wrote a (very) brief post  about it here

Although we only got to see him for three evenings and one day, it seemed like we fit a lot in to that small amount of time.  We went to the gym a couple times, dined out and walked around at Newport on the Levee, played darts at my house (we each won 3, but he was playing much better than me), chilled out on my back porch while drinking cinnamon whiskey, and went to Kings Island on Friday.

Steve and me at Newport on the Levee

There are many things I admire and respect about Steve, who is 11 years younger than me.  The one thing that stands out the most though, and even inspires me, is his toughness.  He is (like my dad was) somewhat of a bad ass.  He has a major attitude, an abundance of testosterone, and I doubt he would ever back down from a brawl.  Almost every time I see him (once a year at best), he has a new story of a fight that he has participated in.  They're usually not his fault, or if so then it was probably for a good reason.  This time, for example, he told the story of observing a man pushing a woman down in a parking lot, so that she fell backwards on the cement.  After witnessing this he exchanged some words with the dude, and ended up laying the guy out cold.

There once was a time when I was clearly his "big" brother (bigger, stronger than him).  But 12 years of marriage, 7 years of children, and a career in engineering do little to foster the pursuit of fitness.  And while I have never given up on this battle (I'm a week or two out from washboard abs, if I really dedicated myself to diet and exercise for that duration), he has been steadily gaining and then surpassing me on that front, especially since he's never had those family responsibilities to hinder his efforts.  Don't get me wrong, my family and career are all tremendous blessings, and I would prefer their hindrance any day to being able to work out regularly and/or pursue other manly hobbies (martial arts, cars, etc).  I'm just saying that priorities change, and the affects of the 11 years between us has now swung in his favor, physically speaking.

After hanging out together, I found myself adapting his behavior a bit, wanting to be "tougher", badder, to have the "edge" and attitude that he possesses. I guess I wanted to "keep up" with him in that regard, to some extent anyway.  After thinking about it more though, I came to the conclusion that I really don't want to project my toughness on the outside like Steven does.  Instead, as a Christian (aka follower of Jesus), I want others to feel drawn to me (as they were to Jesus), not afraid of me or intimidated by me.  In other words, I would rather reflect outwardly the love of God that resides within me.

Aside from the Christian perspective, most reasons that fighting occur are stupid, foolish, and immature.  Not only that, but since I have a family to take care of and young kids to raise, I have to consider whether the unnecessry health/life risk is really worth it.

On the other hand though, is there anything less manly than excessive risk consideration and reduction?  I don't want to stick my neck out for no reason, but if I act like a wimp for the sake of ensuring that I'm able to raise my kids, then is having an ever-present coward for a dad really the best scenario?  In addition, how do you know whether or not you can fight if you've never tried?  Or how to you increase your inner strength without testing (and hopefully displaying) your outer courage and resolve?

So what if some douche bag wants to bump shoulders with me when walking by?  Instead of me bowing up, squaring off, and/or staring him down, I hope that I would instead either laugh about it (knowing that he's a douche bag), or even consider disarming him verbally, maybe by starting a conversation with him "hey man, nice tattoo".  Sounds a bit crazy, but isn't that what Jesus would do, especially if it's possible that it would open up an opportunity to talk about my faith?  

But here is the kicker - I want to make sure that I still have an abundance of toughness on the inside.  I want to make sure that there is still a killer psycho who (if an injustice is observed, or a victim needs assistance) can open up a gigantic, exploding can of whoop ass on those who need/deserve it.  I want to know that there is an inner warrior that is still deep down within, and can be tapped if absolutely necessary.  So that is the question I am now posing to myself - am I as tough as I want to be, as much as I feel that I should be on the inside?  Do I really have that inner strength?  If not, then how can I develop it and nurture it again (like I did when I was younger and trained in kickboxing)?

I recently watched the movie Act of Valor.  In it, the following statement is made: 

"The hardest thing about growing old is that
other men no longer see you as dangerous".  

That makes sense, but I've decided that the hardest thing for me about growing old is not the danger that others may or may not see in me, but wondering if I see myself as still having enough strength, courage, and/or righteous anger to be dangerous.

Book Review: The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

I borrowed this audio book from the library when I was driving to and from Sunnyvale on a weekly basis (for a contract job).  I remember hearing some of the actual lecture at some point and really liking what I heard, so I thought I would enjoy hearing the whole thing, along with additional commentary from the author.  And I was right.

Amanda and I have since started watching the actual lecture, and there was a lot of additional information about Randy and his life in the book that was not in the original presentation (at Carnegie Mellon) - more background, details, history, stories, lessons learned, etc.  He seemed like a remarkable individual, who lived a much fuller life in many regards than most people do with a much longer lifespan.  And whenever people of a high caliber share their stories and/or advice, it's almost always a blessing, and this was no exception.

My only complaint is that he hardly talked about anything faith related.  He only mentions that he has dealt with it personally with/through the church he attends.  Well, that's good to know, but if you're on the brink of death, and are able to influence such a large number of people through the stories of your life, then why would you not accompany it with at least a nudge or a hint of spiritual encouragement too?  No matter what faith he was (or wasn't), his decision in this matter is now going to have eternal rewards or consequences, and I'm surprised that knowing this so intimately didn't encourage him to talk about it.

Finished reading on 3/22/2012

Aqua Emasculation

"Sure, why not.  It will probably be fun."  I said when Amanda asked if I wanted to join her and her mom in a "Water Circuit" class at our gym (LifeTime Fitness).  I'd taken several other fitness classes there (Sculpting Yoga, Spinning, Barbell Strength, etc), all of which I had enjoyed, and I like trying new things, especially regarding exercise.

The class was held in approximately 1/3 of the gym's very large pool, the rest of which was used by families playing in the water with their kids.  And this entire pool is housed in a gigantic enclosed area.  This area also includes a separate (and busy) lap pool with athletes conquering laps, and is adjacent to two hot tubs, a sauna (with a big window to the pool), and high windows all around, so people riding stationary bikes on the upper floor of the gym could look down onto the pool area.  The picture of the pool below is at a different LifeTime Fitness, but ours is very similar.

I knew ahead of time what the concept was, I knew where the location was, and I pretty much knew what I was getting into.  Also, I am quite secure in my manhood, am not easily embarrassed, and as I mentioned in the beginning, I had valid reasons for doing this.  Yet, even with all of these encouraging factors, as the class started, I began to quickly realize what I bad idea this really was.  Not only was I the sole male participant, but I was also the 2nd youngest participant in the group, with my wife being the youngest.  To make matters even worse, the moves that we were performing were, let's just say less than masculine.

Not long into it, I debated whether to inconspicuously duck out into one of the adjacent lap lanes, but then another (significantly older) man joined us as well, and I thought to myself "Damnit, I started this stupid class, so I might as well finish it!  At least I'm not the only male now.  Besides, experiences that encourage humility are good for you, right?"  The more I participated though, the further it progressed from humbling to downright humiliating.  And yes, we used the silly looking floating barbells that are in the above picture.

The only saving graces for the experience are (a) Since we just moved here, we hardly know anyone in this area outside of family, (b) I got to spend some time with two people that I love - my wife and mother-in-law, and (c) If performed with enough vigor, I admit that the class did provide a decent workout too.

Prophetic Daughter?

I was having a bad moment as a dad yesterday evening.  Amanda was at her sister's bachelorette party, and I was flying solo.  I was watching "The Smurfs" movie with the kids, and there was a scene where Neil Patrick Harris' character observes a young couple with their toddler son walking between them, after which the dad picks him up and kisses him.  His character then realizes how despite life's frustrations he is content with the anticipation of being a father (or something like that).

As for me, I had gotten frustrated with my own kids during dinner, especially with Emily and Clara for taking so long to eat their soup.  I'm sure there were other things too, such as annoying noises, repeated jokes (for the 100th time), and who knows what else.  Now, watching this scene unfold on the couch (after we finally finished our dinner), I was thinking about how all I do is nag my kids and get annoyed with them.  I am a no-fun, killjoy of a dad.  I suck.

Just then, Emily came over to me and gave me a great big hug, and Clara followed her big sister to do the same.  As both of them were bear hugging me Emily said "Your daughters sure do love you", after which I relied "and I sure do love my daughters."

She moved back to look at me and said "Dad, I know you get frustrated with us sometimes, but God is still proud of you."  Then they went back to watching the movie like nothing happened, and I sat there with my mouth on the floor.  Only God knew how much I needed to hear that just then.  So thank you God, and also thanks to my daughter Emily too.

A Legal Perspective on Prop 8?

In a previous blog post, I mentioned how I thought our attitudes, as Christians, should be oriented regarding the issue of gay marriage - through the perspective of the Bible.

The more I discussed this with other people though, and the more I thought about it, the more I began thinking that there is ground to stand on not only from a moral/Biblical perspective, but also from a legal perspective.  And here's why:

The biggest defense in favor of  eliminating Proposition 8 is based on the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment, which states that

"no state shall ... deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

But how, exactly, are homosexuals currently denied equal protection?  They have the exact same right as you and me - to marry someone of the same gender.  The laws of marriage as it is currently defined are not being applied differently to them because of their sexual orientation.  Instead, what they are really trying to change is not who the law applies to (or doesn't apply to), but how the law defines marriage.

So the issue is not whether they are being denied the same rights as others, but of wanting new rights to be added that pertain specifically to them.  So what gay people want is really equality based not on gender, or on race, but based on their sexual preferences.

I had to think for a while to come up with any similar moral/legal dilemmas that could parallel that of gay marriage.  Some that came to mind are prostitution, marrying within family (siblings, cousins, parents, etc).  But I think the best example to use is polygamy.  Because not only is it a moral uncertainty, but it would also require an effort to redefine marriage to suit a minority of people.  Even if all parties that wish to participate are adults and are in complete agreement, for some reason we choose to keep it illegal.  Is it only because advocates of this "lifestyle" aren't vocal enough, or because there aren't a large enough quantity of them to provide the political pressure?  Or because long-term menage-a-trois aren't ingrained enough in our culture to be considered "normal" yet?

Valentine's Day Success

Well, after much effort and agony (in preparation), Valentine's Day was pretty successful.  Here are some highlights:

• Amanda still had flowers that were in tact from the last time that I gave them to her, so I was able to forego getting new ones.  
• I gave her a gift in the morning (it was somewhat practical, but only at her request).  
• Wrote a small love note to her in the early afternoon.
• I arranged for two stages of babysitting for the evening...
• ...so we could go on a surprise date to Sherman Clay, where they were holding a concert called "Sweethearts and Steinway" in their recital room.  They had wine and dessert for us to consume, and a jazz trio consisting of pianist Jim Martinez, a drummer, a standing bass, and a vocalist for some of the songs (which I guess made it a quartet for those tunes).
• Before our date I gave her a (long and thoughtful) card.
• I made reservations at Mas (a kinda-upscale Mexican restaurant), for us to have dinner after the concert.
• Then I had one more small gift for her at the end of the evening.

We probably spent a bit more money than we should have, but this occasion comes only once a year, and I think the celebration/promotion of romance is worth it.  While the day had its ups and downs (as is always the case when taking care of the kids), we thoroughly enjoyed our evening together.  Of course, any date spent with Amanda is a good one though.