Does it Really Seem Like 11 Years?

Today is Amanda and my 11 year wedding anniversary.  It doesn't seem anywhere near as big or exciting as last year's.  In fact, now that we passed the big 1-0, I'm guessing only every 5 year increment will really seem like a big deal.  Still though, every year is definitely worthy of some celebration.

We bought (somewhat) expensive tickets to a play for tonight, and we'll go out to a decent dinner before that too.  So we're not being completely cheap about it, but we didn't get each other much in the way of gifts this year.  I did try to surprise Amanda with one gift though - getting our wedding videos (VHS and a smaller tape (8mm?)) converted to DVD.  Unfortunately, Lucas blew the surprise part of the gift earlier in the week (I'll be sure to go alone for any attempted surprises next time).  It was fun for us to watch the videos this morning though, even if the kids were completely bored after 5 minutes of it.

My mother-in-law asked me this question on Facebook today

"It doesn't seem like 11 years, does it?"

which is actually what inspired this blog post to begin with.  So to answer her:

One one hand, 11 years sounds much longer than it feels.  This is due to me loving and enjoying being with Amanda even more than the first day of our marriage.  We haven't changed all that much in our appearances either.  I weigh maybe 5 pounds more than our wedding day (I have to eat significantly less than I used to though).  I have all of my hair, even if there is a growing amount of salt mixed in the pepper now.  Amanda is still petite and sexy also.  She keeps herself in shape and ages really well.  So I would answer "no" to that question when thinking of these aspects of the passed years.

On the other hand though, the events that we watched on the video seem like another whole lifetime ago.  Look at those fresh young faces in the video!  They don't have any idea what it will be like to be parents yet..  They are living in an entirely different corner of the country, with no idea of where they're going yet. We point out Aunt Katie and Uncle Steve to our kids, but they look so much younger than they do now too.  I point out my dad whenever he steps into the camera's view, because he died before any of our kids were born.  We see Amanda's grandma in the video too, who just recently passed away..

So it seems like Amanda and I have been through so much together over these last 11 years, and our lives are so different now than what they were on our wedding day.  And there are people who we care about who are no longer with us now too.  So yes, it seems like at least 11 years.

As far as our marriage goes though, it feels like it's been at least 11 wonderful years together.

Black and White and Red All Over

Some things are clearly black and white to me. There is right and there is wrong - end of story. The addition of red is for the color I see after I feel convicted that it is clearly wrong. Because my tendency in those situations is to become angry and, unfortunately, potentially offensive.

In the last week or two, there have been at least three such incidents:

1. In one case I think my points were valid, but I could have presented them more gently, especially because they were Christians. I already offered my apology to them though.
   
   
2. In another case, maybe I could have handled it a little more gently. But I did the best that I could and to be honest I feel completely justified and don't regret it one bit.
   
   
3. And the last one is the most important of the three. I care about this individual and while I don't regret bringing the topic up, I probably handled it quite poorly. I am mixed about what to do next, if anything, and I am really seeking God's wisdom.
   
   

Here's the issue: I believe there is such a thing as righteous anger, that when things are blatantly wrong that people should get angry about it. And when I look around and see everybody keeping their lips shut and their faces turned away, ignoring the elephant in the room, I simply can take it no more. Ideally though, what I really want is to be gentle and speak lovingly, while still being outwardly honest with what burns inside me as The Truth.

However, and this may sound surprising - I really don't want to be the one to say something - I know I'm horrible at it. I am much more proficient at angering people and turning them against the very cause that I am professing, than I am at convincing them. I would much rather the job be given to someone else who is more capable and able than I. But still, I strongly believe that something should be said, no it must be said. And if no one else is going to speak up than it's better to let the words out of my own mouth and risk alienating myself than to keep quiet and silent in fear of retribution. Maybe another way of putting it is that I would rather get my @$$ kicked than to back away in cowardice.

Are we really talking bravado and chivalry here though, or just foolishness and hastiness? That is the biggest question. How can I speak what I wholeheartedly think is the truth, while still adequately or perhaps even proficiently be representing Jesus? If I were truly speaking words of wisdom, wouldn't they be convincing and thought provoking, instead of abrasive and provoking others only to anger.

Even Jesus angered people though, particularly the pharisees and money changers. On the other hand, that form of righteous anger was expressed specifically against people who were misrepresenting God or disgracing His house (the church). So does that mean I should only get angry, or at least express my anger, if the subject in question is about God?

As you can see, this subject has been coming up a lot lately, and I hate the conflict resulting from it. Don't get me wrong, I can handle the alienation part, or even the un-friending (from Facebook especially), but I am earnestly praying about, and I think I will even fast some of next week for the following:

1. That I would be absolutely certain about my position and the facts surrounding it before I make my opinion known.
   
   
2. That I could speak (or type) in a way that communicates my position and/or inspires change, instead of just causing anger and rejection.
   
   
3. Most importantly, that I can represent my God and my Savior. Am I talking or speaking in a way that pleases God? Will people grow closer to Jesus as a result, or reject everything that I say and stand for from now on?
   
   
4. That I would have wisdom for knowing whether I should make amends for any hurt or offense that I have caused. And if so, then how do I go about it?