Post-Thanksgiving Depression

Nothing too serious - just feeling down, frustrated, discouraged, maybe a little depressed.

I had one day to myself last (Thanksgiving) week, and I spent the whole day working on a faith-related project, which in and of itself is good.  But based on previous historical evidence I doubt that I'll see any fruits from my effort/labor.  Not only that but I'm still not done with it.

In addition to that one project, I worked on several other home related projects during the last few days of vacation, and I wasn't able to finish any of them.  

I had some fun with the kids here and there, but mostly I really wanted some free time during the vacation.  I didn't get much, not nearly enough.  Is it ever enough though?   I would love not only time to myself but also more time with Amanda.  Time to chill, hang out, exercise, watch movies, whatever.  Truth be told, we get more date nights than most couples, but multiple days with the kids at home gets old, especially when the weather isn't too great for them to go outside and play

I realized my life is blessed, and nothing is really wrong, but nothing is really right either.  I just feel a little lost, frustrated with what feels like a lack of choices (with money and time) and a lack of accomplishments lately.

Book Review - Discipleship in the Home

 The leader/founder of the home group that we attend recommended this book for the men, when we were meeting weekly at Bob Evans at 6am (sick, I know).  It's a fairly short book, but long enough to be effective at relaying the author's ideas.  The basic premise behind it is to relay the deliberate and extensive effort by Mr. Friedman to determine which values and knowledge to teach and instill into his children, and how to actively attempt to accomplish it.  As a parent, it seems to me like it's easy to feel like I'm in survival mode and trying hard enough to take care of the kids, the "stuff", ourselves (if/when possible), and maybe encourage the kids to take some extra-curricular activities.  But this book helped to persuade me how effective it can be in determining which goals to help your children pursue and then being extensive and purposeful in planning their success, as much as possible anyway.

I don't agree with all of the specific items on his list of things to teach/train to his kids (some seemed geared to aggressively push the kids into a position of ministry), but I really like his simple yet brilliant idea of being intentional about being engaged in teaching/learning/guiding.  In addition to these useful ideas, I enjoyed (and am still enjoying) Appendix 2 of the book, which is the "Hidden in the Heart" Catechism.  Here he provides a list of 126 basic, essential theological and family-oriented questions to discuss with your kids to help them commit basic Christian premises to heart/memory.  I'm trying to periodically ask one or two at dinnertime, as a way to not only provide an interesting dinner table discussion, but also to help them grow spiritually/mentally.

This book wasn't the most exciting I've read, nor was it a theological revelation, but I think Mr. Friedeman's ideas have the ability to utilize your children's potential in a way that not much else can.

Book Review: "50 Shades of Grey" by E.L. James

My wife and I had heard so damned much about this book. It's been all over the news, on Facebook, and talked about amongst Amanda's friends too (even fellow church goers). So both of us were at least a little curious to read it. It was only ~$10 for the soft cover, so Amanda decided to give it a shot. She liked it pretty well, so I decided to climb into a woman's mind and learn a little more about how their most prominent sexual organ (their brain, or so I'm told anyway) works.

 The biggest problem that I had with it is that I found myself comparing our current sex life to that of the characters in the book. But the circumstances of our life aren't anywhere close to theirs. Limited financial resources aside, when we were dating we may have equaled (or even surpassed?) their passion, and even perhaps when we were first married. But once you enter kids into the equation, sex gets pushed way down on the priority ladder. Factor in work responsibilities, financial struggles, time and location limitations (especially due to kids), general life stress, maintaining your material possessions, getting stuck in "parenting" mode, and any number of other difficulties, and all of a sudden romance and sex takes a lot more effort. It's still great and fun and wonderful when it happens, but our emotional and physical circumstances can't even come close to the story that I'm letting myself become engrossed in.

 Maybe that's part of the allure with books like this though, letting your mind wander to alternate scenarios apart from your own reality.  I can certainly appreciate that, as I enjoy that aspect about any book/story I read.  So why not one that includes graphic sex scenes too?  The best that could come out of it will be that it helps inspire me to work harder to make intimate "moments" happen in my own real-life marriage.  The worst that could result is that Amanda and I will find ourselves increasingly frustrated with our own situation and get discouraged instead of inspired.

Well, the jury is still out regarding its affect on our marriage, but I admit that I did enjoy reading it, and I didn't find any obvious annoyances with the story itself or the writing style, like I'd heard about in some critiques of it.  I thought Mrs. James did a good job of creating a believable female main character, and I appreciated her (the character's) introspection and ability to analyze the relationship, her partner, and also his "unique" requests/desires. 

I don't think this book is for everyone, but I personally enjoyed it and so did my wife.  Now if only Ms. James would write another sequel that includes the challenges associated with marriage and family life.  When taking young kids and a puppy into consideration, perhaps it could be called Fifty Shades of Brown and Yellow. :-)

Son's Honesty = Dad's Humility (and possible motivation)

Lucas asked Amanda this question the other day:

"Mom, why do some guys have bumps on their arms and stomach?"

He was referring to their muscles of course.  When Amanda relayed this to me I tried flexing to show that I had these "bumps", but it was no use.  I used to have them, damnit!  So now I am motivated to start trying to get these "bumps" back.

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Then, today in the car Lucas asked me "Dad, are you the boss of anyone?"  Now, I am currently in various leadership positions at church and in Toastmasters, and in the past I have held leadership positions in almost any club or organization that I have participated in over the years (including the HOA in our Florida neighborhood).  But after thinking for a minute, I realized that I have never actually been the boss of anyone at a professional job (post-college). 

Is this normal, acceptable, humiliating?  Is it due to my profession (there are plenty of engineers who are more experienced and capable than me who still aren't in charge of anyone)?  Whatever the cause, should I care?  And if so then what can I do to change it?

Mr. Mom, part II.

The second weekend after Amanda got back from Ohio, she turned right around again and headed to North Carolina.  She has been planning a college roommate reunion for quite some time, and had long since purchased the tickets for it.  So I was alone with the kids again for a long (4 day) weekend.  Here is the daily log:

Day 1:  Brought Amanda to the airport at 4:30am.  The kids actually went back to sleep when we got home, and even slept in!  Great start to the day (a bit more sleep).  For breakfast I made blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes (1/2 of each).  We all loved it!  Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were lunch.  Then for dinner I bought Save Mart chicken fingers and wings, along with broccoli salad, ambrosia salad, and hawaiian sweet rolls.  They scarfed that down too.  Not a very exciting day really, but it wasn't bad either, especially since all of the meals were successfully enjoyed by all.

Day 2:  Had the men's group over (only 2 guys this week), then had Amanda's left over french toast casserole for breakfast (the kids didn't like it so much, but I loved it).  Then we attempted to go to Wacky Tacky, but they were only letting parties in (birthdays or whatever).  The kids and me were pretty disappointed, especially since they were looking forward to it all morning. 

So we changed gears and decided to go to Whitney Park instead, which has the biggest play gym equipment that I have ever seen.  I noticed a Buick T-Type in the parking lot when we pulled in, and as we were parking, I noticed a gentlemen walking toward it with his son.  So I went over and asked if I could show the car to Lucas, since it's almost exactly like the vehicle that we're building the model of (a Grand National). He was happy to show it off.  After playing at the park for a while, we brought our cache of left-over tokens (from Clara's birthday) to Chuck-E-Cheese, and ate lunch there too. 

After nap was in the books, we went to get hair cuts (Lucas, Clara and me), followed up by renting Rango from RedBox and watching half of it while eating our smoothie dinner (with crackers, cheese, and bologna).  Then I gave the kids a bath and got them to bed at (gulp) 9:30pm.

Day 3:  We finished watching Rango this morning, then had a hodgepodge breakfast of cereal, eggs, english muffins, and strawberries.  We then headed over to the Effie Yeaw Nature Center from 11:00 - 2:00.  The kids enjoyed it, but it was a bit of a long hike for them.  We came home famished and had hot dogs with sauerkraut, beans, dried snap peas, and chips for lunch.  Unfortunately, Clara caught a short (15 - 20 minute) nap on the drive back, which caused her to not be able to nap at home, which sucked for me and made her a bit cranky the rest of the day. 

When everyone else was awake from their nap, we transferred all of the old sandbox sand into the basketball hoop, then washed out the sand box.  When it's dry tomorrow then we can add the new sand.  The girls were playing in the little pools while Lucas and I added one layer of paint onto his GN model.  Clara had taken off her diaper though and ended up pooping on the floor of the backyard.  We ended the day with Panda Express for dinner (Lucas' idea), then a scoop of ice cream at home for dessert.  I probably should have given them a bath, but hated to get them to bed later (was already just after 9pm) and had just given them one yesterday.

Day 4: Brought the kids to Wacky Tacky in the morning.  I think I got us there sometime between 10:30 and 11:00.  I brought my laptop and set up a table to try to get work stuff done while they played.  I had to take breaks though to a) make sure they were alright, b) give them snacks and water (I remembered to bring both), c) take care of Clara when she got hurt a couple of times and d) play with them a bit too, especially in the spongy ball pit.  We stayed until between 1:00 - 1:30.  I think we had PBandJ again for lunch, along with some other healthy sides like cheese, yogurt, canned peaches, and cherries.

After nap, it was time to get to business.  First we hit Big5 sporting goods to pick up a regulation frisbee (175grams) and 8 cones to possibly play Ultimate Frisbee with the high school kids tomorrow (Tuesday) night.  Then we deposited a couple of checks and stopped at Boston Market for dinner.  Before giving them an evening bath, we dumped two bags of new sand into the sandbox.  After bath it was time to start cleaning the house so it will look good for Amanda when she gets home.  Clean up went smoother this time, especially since there was more time to get it done. 

I got the kids to bed around 9pm, just before Tammy came over to hang out while I went to pick up Amanda from the airport.  As before, her plane arrived early so I had to pick her up at the ramp instead of meeting her as she came down the escalator like I would prefer.

Summary:  As a whole, I think this weekend with the kids went smoother than the last one.  I took the kids to do one fun thing per day, and I made a concerted effort not to raise my voice or lose my temper as much.

Mr. Mom for (almost) Five Days

Amanda's last remaining grandparent, Grandma Eggert, passed away on Tuesday night, 6/28 (or 6/29, depending on the time).  So Amanda caught a last minute flight to Ohio to be with her family while I watched the kids here at home.  She was gone for 4.5 days total.  Ideally, the kids will view their time with dad as somewhat fun at the least, and unforgettably great at best.  However, since I found that I myself was forgetting what we did only one or two days out, I decided to make a record of it.  So here is what we did:

Day 1:  Dropped off Amanda to airport, cinnamon/Raisin bread French toast for breakfast, Carl's Jr. picnic at Royer Park, swim class (got there in the nick of time).

Day 2:  Donuts for breakfast, went to Home Depot for a few things, played in the front yard and brought Eliot (our bearded dragon) outside for some fresh air too.  I also added more sand to his enclosure while he was out (we've been meaning to for months now).

Day 3:  Men's group from church came over in the morning, we had cereal for breakfast, smoothies for lunch (Lucas helped make it), then watched Karate Kid (the new one) in the evening with Papa Murphy's pizza for dinner.

Day 4:  Bagels for breakfast, was not able to make it to (either) church on time, found a new park (Westwood Park), brought Taco Bell to Royer Park for lunch.

Day 5: Was thinking that Amanda's flight arrived at 7pm, but at about 9am I realized that it was actually due to arrive at 11.  I really wanted her to come home to a clean house, so it was panic time.  Unfortunately, the last thing the kids ended up experiencing (although hopefully not remembering) was dad cracking the whip for the kids to help clean everything up. 

I had hoped to get to the airport with enough time to be waiting for her as she came down the escalator into the baggage pick-up area, but her flight ended up arriving early.  So we picked her up at the arrival ramp instead.

Special time with kids:  Worked on a puzzle with Emily,  Started a plastic scale model (of a Grand National) with Lucas, reading to Clara.

Chores completed:  Several loads of laundry,  several piles of dishes, shredded a pile of documents,
replaced light bulbs (hey, it counts).

Summary:  I enjoyed being Mr. Mom for the weekend, but the most difficult aspects of it were a) getting everyone ready to go anywhere, especially in the morning.  b) fitting in the planning and making of meals c) fitting chores of any kind into the mix while still taking care of the kids (especially Clara, who is more demanding at this age).

Pondering the Paradox of Prayer, part 1

My boss' boss' wife passed away from Cancer on Monday.  Everyone who knew them had known that this was probably going to happen somewhat soon, but somehow it still seems to have come as a surprise. She was fairly young, probably in her mid to late forties?

I used to play tennis with Jaime (her husband), and he was my direct boss when I first started working at Northrop Grumman.  We've been to their house for a few department pool parties, and seen Sonya before while out and about town.  Reading what I just typed, it's evident that while my wife and I know them ok, it's not like we're their best friends or anything. But Jaime is someone I like and respect, and it's somewhat heart-wrenching to us that she's gone.

I think perhaps the hardest part about her death though, is the fact that not only have many people been praying for her and their family (their church, several co-workers who are Christians, etc), but my kids have also been very dedicated to praying for her as well.  I've very proud of this last fact, because while Amanda and I have prayed for Sonya with the kids (before bed mostly), they have taken ownership of the cause themselves too.  This became evident when one of their Sunday school teachers, upon hearing that Sonya had died (on Facebook), mentioned that they had asked to pray for her in Sunday school.

Now that the cause is gone though, they are left to process what happened.  Did God forget about their requests, or did He just ignore them?  Did He even hear them at all?  Why pray if in the end it doesn't matter anyway?

I think it basically comes down to trusting that God knows best.  We can't understand what's going on and cannot fathom why He does some things, or why He lets other things happen despite our fervent requests to the contrary.

It's similar to Amanda and I knowing what's best for our kids.  While we want them to always come to us with their wants and needs and trust that we can help them, sometimes their desires conflict with our plans, and sometimes we know that what they're asking for isn't in their best interest.  In those cases we refuse to heed their requests, despite their pleas.  It has nothing to do with whether we love them or want them to be happy though.  We just see things from a different, wiser (hopefully), and broader (big picture) perspective.  So it is with God.

Essential Guidelines for Good Parenting

The more time I spend around people (friends, family, acquaintances, etc) with children, the more I have come to realize that there are very, very few good parents out there. I would even go so far as to say that maybe only 1 out of 7 familes are doing a good job of parenting.

I know, I know - everyone thinks that they are good parents (including myself, most of the time). And I also know that no one, including myself, is perfect (my patience is too short at times, and I don't spend as much time with them as I would like to due to being overly busy).

There are many aspects of what I would consider good parenting, including developing a relationship with your children (by spending time with them), listening to what they have to say (even if you don't want to hear it), providing for them (putting a roof over their head and food on the table), and protecting them (to the best of your ability anyway).

However, there are three simple absolutely essential guidelines that I have decided are the very bare necessities for good parenting.
They are as follows:

1. Love your children. Give them hugs, kisses, and words to encourage them and let them know on a regular basis that they are loved, accepted, appreciated, adored, etc.
   
   
2. Teach and guide them. Children come into this world knowing absolutely nothing about it, and there is a whole lot to learn. Any a-hole who relies solely on teachers in school to do the job is negligent in their duties, especially because books alone aren't going to get them through life smoothly and/or successfully.
   
   
3. And finally .... DISCIPLINE THEM! This is the one that I see performed the least. Even many couples whom I greatly love and respect - as people, as intellectuals, and even as Christians - refuse to discipline their children adequately!
   
   But what do I mean by "adequately"? It's pretty damned simple - if they are doing something wrong, and you tell them as such, then they do it again - then they need to be punished! Ok, fine - maybe you can tell them again and they can be given a second chance. But after that it's not sufficient to redirect them, ignore them, or laugh about it like they are being cute somehow - DISCIPLINE THEM, DAMNIT!
   
   I'm not saying you should be a Nazi who doesn't let your children express themselves and make mistakes, but if you don't discipline your kids when they do things that are wrong then they are not going to learn that a) you are in control and they need to obey you, and b) that what they are doing is wrong and is not only a bad choice, but it's not an acceptable way to act - in society, in school, or especially in my house!
   
   There are many methods of discipline to choose from, and I know that most people disagree on which one(s) are the best to use. Options include putting them in time out, grounding them to their room, taking away toys or other items, or even spanking them. But in all honesty it doesn't really matter which one(s) you choose - just pick one and USE IT!

Money Matters, for Midgets

One of the things we took away from the Love and Logic class last year was that it's never too early to start teaching kids about money. I like this idea not only because it helps them to learn about saving money and buying things for themselves, but it also helps them to understand us when we say that things they are asking for are too expensive. And hopefully they will also understand more about the value of their toys, having seen how difficult it is to save up enough to buy them.

Amanda and I decided to give them an allowance amount equivalent to their age each month, but on a weekly basis. For example, since Lucas is 4, we give him $1 per week. In exchange for their allowance though, they have to perform one chore each. Lucas helps me dump all of the small garbages on Sunday night (the truck comes on Monday morning) and Emily helps to keep the crumbs off of the kitchen floor using our "Shark".

For slightly more expensive toys (>$5), I decided to match the kids money dollar for dollar if they are willing to save up for their half of the price. The first big item Lucas bought his with his own money was a set of small construction trucks (picture is below). I've been trying to encourage him to save for a decent Lego set, but he has a very difficult time denying himself the joy of Matchbox or Hot Wheels cars. But at $1 - $1.50 per car, who can really blame him.

Father's Day Irony

My Father's Day present this year was a Vasectomy.

What are you trying to say honey?

Oh yeah, and I'm a little sore about it (chuckle).

P.S. Boy am I glad that no one actually reads my blog anymore.

The First Lomonaco Production

On Friday 4/9, I watched the kids while my wife worked at our church.

After breakfast, I had the idea to make a short movie with them. So I started by making a list of all of the resources that we had available.

When listing the items that we had available, a plot came to mind. So I hatched out a quick scene synopses (as seen on the paper below) underneath the list of resources.


I had to prepare the set by removing all of the clutter in our bonus room. Then I ran through the scene with the kids, explaining what we were going to do and each of our roles in it.

After several takes, a costume change by Emily, a little editing using Windows Movie Maker, and the addition of dramatic music during the perfectly choreographed action sequence - viola!

Fatherhood Follies, pt 1

Last weekend, I was happy to have spent a pretty good amount of time with my kids. Sometimes though, I don't think through far enough to the consequences of my actions/decisions around them.

One example happened when Lucas was pretending to be a policeman and was taking me to jail downstairs. Somehow I ended up laying down on my belly at the top of the stairs, then pulling myself down the top step until my body weight carried me forward, like over a roller coaster peak. Then I body surfed down the stairs by putting my hands out like Superman and making my body stiff like a board. It was pretty fun and the kids really got a kick out of it, asking me to "do it again" numerous times.

I didn't really think much of it, until I told Amanda about it at the dinner table, after which she heartily chastised me. Her fear is that next thing you know the kids will be hurtling themselves down the stairs to their demise. She has a valid point, too. Thankfully though, they have yet to try it themselves.

Last Night

Last night was the last class in a series that Amanda and I have been taking called Love and Logic.

I think we were already pretty good parents (who doesn't though), and our kids are really well-behaved (everyone who watches them affirms this). But this parenting class gave us a few really good additional tools and approaches that I am absolutely certain will help us out over the course of the next 18 - 20 years of child rearing.

They offered some small ideas that could make big differences not only in how conflicts are handled but also in the training of our kids to eventually become capable, self-sufficient adults. I highly recommend this class to any parents.

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On a different note, there is a man in the class who I found out is an MMA fighter and trains at Marinobles, which is the gym that I go to once in a great while. But last night I noticed he was walking a little stiffly, like he was sore and/or in pain. And I couldn't help but be a little jealous.

That's right, jealous. MAN, I miss that feeling. I LOVE that feeling - of being sore and in pain from sparring. Of being bruised and battered, but also strangely purified in a way, like Proverbs 20:30 states. Or maybe it's manified. You've tested your will and your body, and whether you win or lose it's the act of voluntarily testing yourself that feels good.

It's been a while, but Monday evening I'm planning on going to Marinobles again. So thanks for the unintentional inspiration Rick. My lazy butt needed it.

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I tried my second energy drink ever last night - Monster. The first was a low-carb Full Throttle that had a helluva nasty after taste. The Monster had a much better flavor and similar kick to it. I probably only drank 1/3 of it though, just enough to keep me attentive through the class.

Emily is 2!

As of today, Emily is now 2 years old!

And yes, that's a spider cake in front of her - an itsy bitsy spider cake, to be more specific. Special thanks to our friend Monica for making it at Emily's request.

As you can see below, we had a bounce house too! Special thanks to Jim (who owns two of them and rents them out) for being generous enough to lend us one.


Her party today was a lot of fun, and for some reason less stressful for me than usual, despite having approximately 30 people over.

Don't get me wrong, I really like social events, but between trying to get the house ready (hang balloons and streamers, mow the lawn, etc) and helping Amanda prepare for it, it's a lot of work and stress leading up to the very last minute when people arrive. Then during the party we're both trying to run the show (help with any events, get the food, take pictures/video, etc) while talking to people, and also trying to watch the kids too.

Anyway, it was easier than usual today, great to see and catch up with everyone (we haven't seen the Whites in a long time), and more importantly I think Emily really enjoyed it.

I need to give one more special thanks to my Aunt Rosary for making Emily the awesome Dora blanket (in the picture below). She absolutely loved it!

Acting on Acrobatic Ambitions

Amanda worked at our church this last Friday morning, as usual. And since it was an off-Friday for me (due to the 9/80 work week), I got to take care of this kids while she was gone.

When I was playing Lego with them, Lucas stacked three of the little Lego men on top of each other. I said they resembled acrobats, then attempted to explain to him what that meant. As I mentioned on my last blog (Kids, Meet Multimedia), I decided to show them videos of acrobats, so they could understand it better. After a brief search, I found and played a few videos for them. When they were done, Lucas said "let's play acrobats".

So we headed to our bonus room (the "game room"), and tumbled to our hearts' content. Lucas did somersaults, then repeatedly jumped off of the arm of a chair and rolled when he landed. I helped Emily jump off of the Futon (holding onto her hands), then attempted to perform my limited repertoire of maneuvers - mainly a front hand spring, a handstand, a diving roll, and an attempted one-armed stand, all with limited success. Then I laid on my back and when Lucas stood on my stomach, I lifted him up by his ankles, with him still in a standing position. He was a little scared, but laughing at the same time. Then I tried it with Emily, but she kept sitting down.

It was great just to goof around, act silly together, and get some exercise at the same time.

Kids, Meet Multimedia

Maybe it's still too early to introduce Lucas to video games, but there was a really good deal for one on Slickdeals that I couldn't resist, called BUZZ Jr.! Jungle Party. It was bundled with four kid-friendly controllers for $20 (including shipping).

With a little bit of explaining, the game play is simple enough for him to understand it. We've played it several times, including once with him, Amanda, myself, and Jeanette too (our roommate).

And I was finally able to find an excuse to brush the dust off of my old PlayStation 2.

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Since putting together the slide video together for the anniversary of my dad's death, Lucas has requested to watch it almost every day.

There are many pictures of my dad when he was a kid and also of myself and my siblings when we were young (with my dad of course). He just loves to see them, ask questions, and hear about the people and stories associated with them (Emily enjoys it too, but doesn't get quite as much out of it yet).

It's both heartwarming and heartbreaking for me to teach them about the grandpa they'll never personally meet or know. It's also bittersweet showing them pictures and telling them stories of my siblings and me together, since they get to see them so infrequently.

You can see the video here, if interested.

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Speaking of the computer, I have found the internet to be a really handy resource when explaining some things to Lucas. After verbally describing something like snowmobiles, ATVs, or wrecking balls, showing him a video on YouTube or Metacafe can provide a whole new level of understanding and enlightenment for him.

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While Amanda occasionally takes the kids to a Family Movie Matinee, I watched a movie with them in a theater for the first time on my birthday last month. We went to see Wall-e, and all of us thoroughly enjoyed it.


I did learn one lesson from the experience though - although some sodas don't contain caffeine, the sugar content is still plenty adequate to over-energize a 21 month old, even when she's dead tired.

Learning to Stick Up for Himself

An ongoing concern that I've had with Lucas is in regards to sticking up for himself. He reminds me very much of myself when I was little - a heart of gold that wouldn't hurt a flea. That's generally a good thing, except for one little problem - not everyone else is like that. In fact most? little boys are just the opposite.

Maybe I'm being a little dramatic by saying this, but the world as a whole (as well as little boys) likes to play rough and tries to push you around. Well Lucas' normal reaction (as was mine) to a challenge or rough playing is to be scared, shy away and/or cry.

A recent example is when a visiting little boy tossed our big red exercise ball at Lucas, which he said hit him on the head. While it's a big ball, it's also rubber and filled with air. So while I didn't actually see it happen, I don't think it actually hurt him. He cried though for a while, probably out of fear and intimidation of the other boy.

Well, I've tried only once or twice since then to teach Lucas to stand up for himself and for his sister by making a mad face and saying forcefully "YOU LEAVE ME (OR MY SISTER) ALONE!" Then I also tried to teach him to give them a push if that doesn't work. We then practiced this a little bit, but certainly not enough for me to be convinced that it had sunk in or been absorbed into his behavior at all.

Then a friend of Amanda's came over with her kids on Friday. Her son is a few months younger than Lucas, but about the same size as him. They were both in our plastic backyard playhouse when I heard Lucas say very loudly "DON'T HIT ME ON THE HEAD! I DON'T LIKE THAT!". Then there was a brief pause, followed by "SAY O.K. LUCAS!" Then the other little boy obediently complied and said "O.K. Lucas."

Wow! I don't think I could have handled it better myself. He stuck up for himself, didn't have to resort to violence, and even got the other kid to acknowledge his request. I was surprised and proud of him, and later that evening I made sure to let him know it.

Emily's Encouragement

Emily is definitely more spunky/aggressive than Lucas, swinging her arms wildly at things that make her mad, squinting her face up, pushing back at Lucas when he tries to take things from her, etc. But she is also more cuddly than him, and she is definitely daddy's girl.

Last night I got to put Emily to sleep, which for both of our kids includes the following (after brushing teeth and putting on pajamas): Reading a book, saying a prayer, giving a kiss, then singing a song as we make our exit out of their room.

When I held her on the way to her room, she did something interesting. She leaned back and moved her hand over my chest, then moved her other hand over my upper arm/shoulder. Then she lay her head on my shoulder for me to go through the usual bedtime ritual.

This left me feeling a little awkward, a little flattered, and above all wondering what she is thinking. Is she just noticing a difference between me and her mommy (harder muscles, different shape, etc)? I remember when I was little being in awe of my dad's muscles (he used to flex his arms so that my sister and I would be hanging from each one). So is she similarly noticing my muscles?

I'm not really sure what's going through her little mind, but I do know how it makes me feel though. It reminds me that I am her big, strong daddy and it inspires me to do my best to stay that way. It emphasizes the fact that she relies on me for her protection, and will do so until she gets married and hopefully has a big, strong husband to take my place.

Now if only I can cut back my work hours and get my butt back to the gym once in a while.

Print Provides Persuasive (although unpleasant) Proof

I spoke with my brother on the phone for a decent amount of time this evening. Somehow in the conversation, the topic of a web site came up that I go to daily to pray for the people in the stories, and how I find some of these stories (such as this one) good examples of how evil can directly influence people, as they are just too horrible to stem from anything else, in my opinion.

Then I remembered another article. It's one that I read a long time ago, and is the single most convincing story of demonic influence, and of evil transitioning itself from the supernatural into the physical realm, that I have ever read.

Granted, I have heard some freaky stories of both demonic battles from overseas missionaries and from pastors who have seen a direct influence of demons on people or on the physical world that we live in. But hearing stories and reading an article by a legitimate news source are two entirely different things.

So here is the article.

Gender-based Fatherhood

As a father to both a boy and a girl, I'm trying (of course) to raise, teach and discipline them both equally. But besides these basic actions of child-rearing, taking care of a girl somehow feels different than raising a boy. While talking to my friend Frank in Florida (who had a girl after two boys), I think I may have figured out exactly what that difference is.



To my son, I'm trying to teach him and be an example of how to be a man.






To my daughter though, I'm trying to teach her and be an example of and how I think she should be treated by a man.



Looking at it from my children's perspective:

Emily will gain her expectations of what kind of man she should expect her husband to be, and how he should treat her someday by seeing how I act and how I treat Amanda.

Lucas will learn what it means to be a man, how to handle adversity, and how to treat his wife by watching me live my life and by how he sees me treat Amanda.

Maybe this is all obvious, but for some reason I wasn't able to put words to it before - I just knew it felt vastly different being a father to the two different genders.