Huh, Her Husband Looks Kinda Old

The title of this post is what I was thinking when I recently looked at a girl's Facebook pictures from high school.  Her picture popped up in the "People You May Know" section.  I didn't really know her, so I didn't care to request her as a "friend", but I'm generally curious about where and what everyone from high school is up to these days.  So I briefly browsed through her pictures.  And that is what led me to the subject title.

But that isn't the real reason for this blog post.  Oh no.

You see, after I had that thought, for some reason I had to analyze why I would think that about him.  He looked fairly slim and/or in decent shape (not fat).  He had a full head of hair too.  But there's a little bit of grey, and just a few telltale wrinkles.  Nothing major, but just enough.

And it's the next thought that entered my mind that led me to this post.  That guy in the pictures, her husband, he looks like ME.

I'M that old!

A little bit of grey, a few wrinkles.  DAMN!

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As an update, I showed the pictures to Amanda and she thought he looks older than me.  Because his hairstyle is more conservative and he's dressed in a tie.  I don't know though, she might just be biased.

Flagstar Bank = Anger and Frustration

Right now I am shaking with the adrenaline associated with wanting to punch someone in the face.  I just got off of the phone with Catherine, a Flagstar representative, and I honestly cannot recall the last time that I felt this angry.  No, I don't want to inflict violence upon Catherine, although she was the least caring and sympathetic person that I've talked to at their company (and I've talked to quite a few over there in the last several months).  I just want to punch Flagstar in the face, if only it had one to punch.

Since losing my job in September, I have attempted to apply for forbearance with my mortgage company, (any guesses who they are?).  Yes, I know they will be doing me a big favor by granting me this.  Because of that, I also think that it should not necessarily be an easy process, as the the purpose of this option is to help me avoid foreclosure.  So I don't mind if they want to make me work for it, at least in the sense of proving that it's needed and providing them with the documentation that they need to thoroughly review my situation.  I get that.  It makes total sense to me and I'm comfortable with spending the time and making the necessary effort on my end.  And finally, I think they should only grant forbearance after applicants follow their procedure, and meet their guidelines.

So if that all makes sense to me, and I sound pretty rational and understanding about the whole thing, then why am I so angry?

Because I have been attempting to complete the application process for over three months now, since September 12th.  I have cumulatively and literally (yes, I know what this word means) spent days on this effort.  I have gathered documents, compiled financial data, composed letters, and printed, copied, and faxed more than 150 pages to them.

I've learned enough from previous mistakes in my life to keep track of details in projects such as this, so at the very beginning of my effort I generated and have been consistently adding to what is now a 7 page Word document.  This document lists every date that I've worked on this process, along with almost every document that I've faxed to them on these dates (some are listed elsewhere), every phone call I've made (time, date, person I spoke with), and every suggestion/request that I've been given from their representatives.

Yet I have not successfully traversed their obstacles, despite having attempted to do so three times so far.  Why?

• There is no publicly available list of documents that must be submitted to them for this process.
• Each representative that I have spoken to has a different understanding of which documents they need to receive. I have been told "all you still need is .... for it to be opened", but then still had it closed.
• There is no publicly available information informing applicants how to fill out these documents.  I have had different representatives give me different information about this, specifically for the Profit and Loss statement and for the 4506-T form.
• They don't always receive the faxes that I send in and/or they do not process them in a manner that is timely enough to avoid closing the file.
• There is no one to complain to, as the representatives refuse to transfer you to a manager, or even another representative that you had previously spoken with.  They refuse to even give you information on how to file a complaint.  All they will do is input your complaint into their system, where I feel confident it will be completely ignored.

So now I have been told to submit a new application package.  In short, to start all over again for what will be the fourth time.  But why should I believe that submitting another package of documents for opening my case of forbearance will have any different result than before, after being denied three times already?  Keep in mind that I have been denied this not because I don't meet their circumstantial requirements, but because I have been trying to hit a moving target in the form of being consistently (although I do not necessarily believe it was intentionally) misled about what documentation is required of me and how to fill out that required documentation.

I now have a decision to make - to give up the process and let the chips fall where they may, or to spend (waste?) the time required to generate and gather the list of documents that I have most recently been informed about.  If I attempt to accomplish this yet again, the odds are highly in favor of another frustrating disappointment.

Despite the unlikelihood of success though, I will proceed with another attempt.  Because I am only in control of what choices I make.  And whatever happens with our mortgage and our living conditions (in the event of foreclosure), I can still take some solace in knowing that at least I did my best.  Whether I am able to avoid that worst case scenario though, still remains to be seen.

No Good Deed Goes Un-pooped On

It has been beautiful outside lately, so I joined Amanda and the kids for a walk the other day.  While we were in the back end of our neighborhood though, we noticed a little terrier-type dog with a green sweater walking down the middle of the road.  There didn't seem to be anyone else nearby who was paying any attention to it, and I figured if the owner was around, then he/she probably would have been trying to prevent the pooch from playing chicken with the traffic.

As it neared us, I got down on my haunches and motioned it over, which it surprisingly did!  It's tag indicated the name of "Bailey", and we recognized the address on the other side of the tag as being in our neighborhood.  So I scooped it up and we proceeded to hunt down the owner and return Bailey to his family.

The dog seemed comfortable and happy enough with me holding him, but unfortunately I was getting a little uncomfortable with his stinky smell wafting up into my nostrils.  Then, about halfway to our destination, the smell began to get a whole lot worse.  I shifted Bailey's weight higher up onto my arm, and observed brown smears on my hand.  The dog had shit on me!! 

Luckily it wasn't a large volume of poo, as it wasn't running down my arm and under the rolled up sleeves of my shirt or anything.  But I forced myself to continue holding this crappy, stinky dog for another entire block.

When we finally arrived at our destination, the owner (a lady in her mid to upper 50s) was grateful.  Before we departed though, I requested a wet paper towel or something to wipe the bulk of the excrement off of me, to which she happily obliged.  I guess getting pooped on is a small price to pay to help make the world a little better place, especially for the holidays.

"You Wanna Get Outa Here?"

I just got back from meeting my brother and his friend Troy at a nearby bar (The Post Time Lounge).  You know the character that's played by Ryan Gosling in the movie Crazy Stupid Love?  Well, my brother is Jacob Palmer in real life, only more manly.  No joke, it's almost amazing to watch really.

Book Review - 90 Minutes in Heaven, by Don Piper

I got this book as a 40th birthday present from Jeff S., a good friend of mine from church.  I was already backlogged in the reading department (including Agape Leadership, below), so it took me a while to get to it.  In the meantime though, Amanda tore through it pretty fast and really liked it.  So I was even more excited to be able to finally get to it.  And it did not disappoint me.

This book follows the true story of a pastor who gets in a horrific accident with a tractor-trailer, and subsequently dies.  Through another man's obedience to pray for him (when stirred to do so) he ended up returning to life.  The author takes great care to explain the details of his accident in order to provide as much credibility as possible to his claims of being clinically dead, and also his experience of heaven.  The rest of the story follows him through his long and painful physical recovery from the accident, and the process of figuring out what to do with the experiences he encountered and in finding purpose behind them.

Admittedly, since I'm a Christian, I did not truly approach it skeptically.  I already believe in Heaven, and the way Mr. Piper describes what he encountered does not conflict with what I have read in the Bible and/or what I believe.  But as with other books (such as "This Present Darkness"), even though I already held these beliefs, reading about them in this manner gives me an entirely different perspective to them.  Having a mental image of what it will be like to experience Heaven for myself changes the way I visualize the big picture of life and encourages me to make decisions that could have a positive affect for myself and others on that fateful (and joyful) day that I get to meet my maker.

Exercise Viagra Crack

I need exercise like Hugh Heffner needs Viagra.  Especially when life is frustrating, depressing, annoying, and/or difficult, which is pretty much every damned day.  The endorphins that it provides lifts my spirits.  The increased blood flow nourishes my brain.  Even the skin on my face feels awake and alive.  It helps me to think and yes, it also increases my libido (making the metaphor all the better).

I need exercise like a junkie needs a crack pipe.  Without a regular dose of it (2-4 times/week?), I slowly slide toward melancholy at best, depression at worst.  Until I eventually become like a spoiled drama queen with PMS. 

I hate that this is the case though.  And I hate the fact that although I know that this is the case, I still don't make doing it as much of a priority as I should.  And I also hate the fact that I rely too much on Amanda to work out with me.  But if she isn't able to, or if our schedules don't sync up (together, with the kids' nap times, etc), then I partially blame her for my frustration and the encroaching bad mood.  This then only compounds the negative effects though, because now I'm not just in a pissy mood, but I'm emotionally taking it out on her (if even only to a small extent).  This then adds friction to our relationship, which puts both of us in a worse mood.

So what is the solution?  The only one that I can think of is to set a designated time (4:30pm seems to work well while I'm unemployed), make it a priority, and just do it whether Amanda can join me or not.

And I'm not talking about an hour or two of a high intensity, gut busting, sweat pouring workout (although those are especially nice).  I'm just talking about at least 15-30 minutes of getting my heart rate up and my body moving.  Taking this little daily dose will improve my productivity level, my mood, our marriage, and pretty much every aspect of my life.

Loving the Learning Overload

Found my old C++ book today (Teach Yourself in 21 Days), and am finally going to sit down to learn it.  Day 1 is done so far ("Hello World!").

The foreseeable problem with this is going to be with making sure that I also spend time with the following:

• Reacquainting myself to Verilog (I've used VHDL almost exclusively for the last 7 years).
• Learning Altera's Quartus II tools.
• Using C for programming my (just for fun) robot project, as well as designing a power supply for it.
• Using BASIC for my school robot arm project (an evening Mechatronics class at Sierra College).

Oh yeah, all that and looking for a job too.  Ugh.