What Adventure?

In my men's group from church, a couple of the guys were talking about their experiences either in the military or in law enforcement.

Then, at work, I had the opportunity to attend a lunch-and-learn where one of the employees discussed my company's efforts to prepare a bid for developing and executing another trip to the moon, and eventually to Mars.  During this talk, he also highlighted his personal experiences, such as flying in a Mig-25 into the upper atmosphere (space?), meeting and working alongside Buzz Aldrin and other famous people.

I can't help thinking "what the heck have I done that is exciting?".  Where is my adventure?  What stories do I have to tell?

Mr. Mom, part II.

The second weekend after Amanda got back from Ohio, she turned right around again and headed to North Carolina.  She has been planning a college roommate reunion for quite some time, and had long since purchased the tickets for it.  So I was alone with the kids again for a long (4 day) weekend.  Here is the daily log:

Day 1:  Brought Amanda to the airport at 4:30am.  The kids actually went back to sleep when we got home, and even slept in!  Great start to the day (a bit more sleep).  For breakfast I made blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes (1/2 of each).  We all loved it!  Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were lunch.  Then for dinner I bought Save Mart chicken fingers and wings, along with broccoli salad, ambrosia salad, and hawaiian sweet rolls.  They scarfed that down too.  Not a very exciting day really, but it wasn't bad either, especially since all of the meals were successfully enjoyed by all.

Day 2:  Had the men's group over (only 2 guys this week), then had Amanda's left over french toast casserole for breakfast (the kids didn't like it so much, but I loved it).  Then we attempted to go to Wacky Tacky, but they were only letting parties in (birthdays or whatever).  The kids and me were pretty disappointed, especially since they were looking forward to it all morning. 

So we changed gears and decided to go to Whitney Park instead, which has the biggest play gym equipment that I have ever seen.  I noticed a Buick T-Type in the parking lot when we pulled in, and as we were parking, I noticed a gentlemen walking toward it with his son.  So I went over and asked if I could show the car to Lucas, since it's almost exactly like the vehicle that we're building the model of (a Grand National). He was happy to show it off.  After playing at the park for a while, we brought our cache of left-over tokens (from Clara's birthday) to Chuck-E-Cheese, and ate lunch there too. 

After nap was in the books, we went to get hair cuts (Lucas, Clara and me), followed up by renting Rango from RedBox and watching half of it while eating our smoothie dinner (with crackers, cheese, and bologna).  Then I gave the kids a bath and got them to bed at (gulp) 9:30pm.

Day 3:  We finished watching Rango this morning, then had a hodgepodge breakfast of cereal, eggs, english muffins, and strawberries.  We then headed over to the Effie Yeaw Nature Center from 11:00 - 2:00.  The kids enjoyed it, but it was a bit of a long hike for them.  We came home famished and had hot dogs with sauerkraut, beans, dried snap peas, and chips for lunch.  Unfortunately, Clara caught a short (15 - 20 minute) nap on the drive back, which caused her to not be able to nap at home, which sucked for me and made her a bit cranky the rest of the day. 

When everyone else was awake from their nap, we transferred all of the old sandbox sand into the basketball hoop, then washed out the sand box.  When it's dry tomorrow then we can add the new sand.  The girls were playing in the little pools while Lucas and I added one layer of paint onto his GN model.  Clara had taken off her diaper though and ended up pooping on the floor of the backyard.  We ended the day with Panda Express for dinner (Lucas' idea), then a scoop of ice cream at home for dessert.  I probably should have given them a bath, but hated to get them to bed later (was already just after 9pm) and had just given them one yesterday.

Day 4: Brought the kids to Wacky Tacky in the morning.  I think I got us there sometime between 10:30 and 11:00.  I brought my laptop and set up a table to try to get work stuff done while they played.  I had to take breaks though to a) make sure they were alright, b) give them snacks and water (I remembered to bring both), c) take care of Clara when she got hurt a couple of times and d) play with them a bit too, especially in the spongy ball pit.  We stayed until between 1:00 - 1:30.  I think we had PBandJ again for lunch, along with some other healthy sides like cheese, yogurt, canned peaches, and cherries.

After nap, it was time to get to business.  First we hit Big5 sporting goods to pick up a regulation frisbee (175grams) and 8 cones to possibly play Ultimate Frisbee with the high school kids tomorrow (Tuesday) night.  Then we deposited a couple of checks and stopped at Boston Market for dinner.  Before giving them an evening bath, we dumped two bags of new sand into the sandbox.  After bath it was time to start cleaning the house so it will look good for Amanda when she gets home.  Clean up went smoother this time, especially since there was more time to get it done. 

I got the kids to bed around 9pm, just before Tammy came over to hang out while I went to pick up Amanda from the airport.  As before, her plane arrived early so I had to pick her up at the ramp instead of meeting her as she came down the escalator like I would prefer.

Summary:  As a whole, I think this weekend with the kids went smoother than the last one.  I took the kids to do one fun thing per day, and I made a concerted effort not to raise my voice or lose my temper as much.

Mr. Mom for (almost) Five Days

Amanda's last remaining grandparent, Grandma Eggert, passed away on Tuesday night, 6/28 (or 6/29, depending on the time).  So Amanda caught a last minute flight to Ohio to be with her family while I watched the kids here at home.  She was gone for 4.5 days total.  Ideally, the kids will view their time with dad as somewhat fun at the least, and unforgettably great at best.  However, since I found that I myself was forgetting what we did only one or two days out, I decided to make a record of it.  So here is what we did:

Day 1:  Dropped off Amanda to airport, cinnamon/Raisin bread French toast for breakfast, Carl's Jr. picnic at Royer Park, swim class (got there in the nick of time).

Day 2:  Donuts for breakfast, went to Home Depot for a few things, played in the front yard and brought Eliot (our bearded dragon) outside for some fresh air too.  I also added more sand to his enclosure while he was out (we've been meaning to for months now).

Day 3:  Men's group from church came over in the morning, we had cereal for breakfast, smoothies for lunch (Lucas helped make it), then watched Karate Kid (the new one) in the evening with Papa Murphy's pizza for dinner.

Day 4:  Bagels for breakfast, was not able to make it to (either) church on time, found a new park (Westwood Park), brought Taco Bell to Royer Park for lunch.

Day 5: Was thinking that Amanda's flight arrived at 7pm, but at about 9am I realized that it was actually due to arrive at 11.  I really wanted her to come home to a clean house, so it was panic time.  Unfortunately, the last thing the kids ended up experiencing (although hopefully not remembering) was dad cracking the whip for the kids to help clean everything up. 

I had hoped to get to the airport with enough time to be waiting for her as she came down the escalator into the baggage pick-up area, but her flight ended up arriving early.  So we picked her up at the arrival ramp instead.

Special time with kids:  Worked on a puzzle with Emily,  Started a plastic scale model (of a Grand National) with Lucas, reading to Clara.

Chores completed:  Several loads of laundry,  several piles of dishes, shredded a pile of documents,
replaced light bulbs (hey, it counts).

Summary:  I enjoyed being Mr. Mom for the weekend, but the most difficult aspects of it were a) getting everyone ready to go anywhere, especially in the morning.  b) fitting in the planning and making of meals c) fitting chores of any kind into the mix while still taking care of the kids (especially Clara, who is more demanding at this age).

The Minds of Men, Regarding Marriage

On a recent work day morning, I overheard a couple of middle-aged men talking in the work cafeteria about a baseball player (Casey Daigle) whose career is struggling.  After googling the player, the man learned that his wife is Jennie Fitch, an Olympic softball player.  He then proceeded to describe her appearance (blonde, shapely, etc) and mentioned her inclusion in a SI swimsuit issue.

He then stated "No matter what he goes through with his job, it's hard to have any sympathy for him, because his life must be GOOD."

She could be a total ditz or a complete bitch, but this is the way men (generally) think - sex first.  Now, we do also have a capacity for other things that contradict this attitude, such as logic and even love, but (unfortunately) lust and sex are always present and prevalent.  Starting from the age of adolescence, up until testosterone all but disappears from our old and weakened bodies, the physical appearance of beauty in a woman captivates our attention and our desires.

Thankfully, I think that 39 years of wisdom has taught my mind and heart that while lust and sex is wonderful, it's a very small part of the overall benefit of a relationship.  Love has taught me how much more important good companionship is, and having a woman who is a good mother and who you can trust to raise your children, and being with someone who not only knows and understands you well, but also stimulates your mind and your spirit.  Logic tells me that sex lasts maybe 30-60 minutes, and takes place on average 2-3 times per week, which adds up to at most 3 hours per week, which is only 2.5% of our waking hours at best.  So even if the sex is so incredible that you cry tears of joy from it, how much does it matter compared to everything else, in the grand scheme of things?

But again, those are issues of logic and love.  And it doesn't take looking at the headlines too long to realize that the lust within a man's heart can wage a surprisingly strong battle against them.  So when I find my wife attractive, when I desire her not only because I love her but because I want her, I thank God for giving her outward beauty, as well as inward beauty,.  And I pray that I will always feel that way.

Valentines Day Advocate

Yesterday was Valentines Day.  Every year I get amazed at how few men put any effort into this holiday.  Out of probably more than a dozen men that I have asked, only one (ONE!) said that he is taking his wife out to dinner, and another is making his wife Eggs Benedict (which hardly counts in my opinion).  I've heard the argument that love shouldn't be a man-made, pressured-into holiday, but shown randomly and unexpectedly instead.  And I totally agree.  But after years of marriage, doing romantic things for each other tends to unfortunately slip away.  And that's why we men NEED Valentines Day - to remind us how our wives love being wooed and gushed over.  To light a fire under our arses and get our romantic juices flowing again (assuming they were flowing while dating).

And not only is this good for the marriage relationship, but it's good for the kids to see as well. Daughters and sons WANT to see daddy pursuing mommy and being romantic to/for her. It not only helps boys learn how to treat women and daughters to know how they should be treated, but it also helps them both to feel secure about mom and dad's love for one another.

OK, so how about this for a summary:
If there is a husband that is actively romantic on a somewhat regular basis throughout the year, then he is officially excused from participating in the commercial holiday called Valentines Day. 

However, for the other 95% of us lazy bastards, DO NOT avoid joining me in using Valentines Day as inspiration to continue to pursue romance in your marriage.  You don't have to join the crowds at a restaurant either, you just have to put forth some thought and effort to let your wife know that you care and that she is worthy of wooing and pursuing.

Pondering the Paradox of Prayer, part 1

My boss' boss' wife passed away from Cancer on Monday.  Everyone who knew them had known that this was probably going to happen somewhat soon, but somehow it still seems to have come as a surprise. She was fairly young, probably in her mid to late forties?

I used to play tennis with Jaime (her husband), and he was my direct boss when I first started working at Northrop Grumman.  We've been to their house for a few department pool parties, and seen Sonya before while out and about town.  Reading what I just typed, it's evident that while my wife and I know them ok, it's not like we're their best friends or anything. But Jaime is someone I like and respect, and it's somewhat heart-wrenching to us that she's gone.

I think perhaps the hardest part about her death though, is the fact that not only have many people been praying for her and their family (their church, several co-workers who are Christians, etc), but my kids have also been very dedicated to praying for her as well.  I've very proud of this last fact, because while Amanda and I have prayed for Sonya with the kids (before bed mostly), they have taken ownership of the cause themselves too.  This became evident when one of their Sunday school teachers, upon hearing that Sonya had died (on Facebook), mentioned that they had asked to pray for her in Sunday school.

Now that the cause is gone though, they are left to process what happened.  Did God forget about their requests, or did He just ignore them?  Did He even hear them at all?  Why pray if in the end it doesn't matter anyway?

I think it basically comes down to trusting that God knows best.  We can't understand what's going on and cannot fathom why He does some things, or why He lets other things happen despite our fervent requests to the contrary.

It's similar to Amanda and I knowing what's best for our kids.  While we want them to always come to us with their wants and needs and trust that we can help them, sometimes their desires conflict with our plans, and sometimes we know that what they're asking for isn't in their best interest.  In those cases we refuse to heed their requests, despite their pleas.  It has nothing to do with whether we love them or want them to be happy though.  We just see things from a different, wiser (hopefully), and broader (big picture) perspective.  So it is with God.

Primary Purposes of Paternity

As a father, I have come to the conclusion that I have three primary, basic, roles: 

1. Provision:  This is the one that has been on my mind foremost as of lately, due to two rounds of layoffs at my company, the bad economy, the news, etc.  Amanda and I both prefer to be a one-income family, so that she can be home to take care of the kids.  While she does help with this a little (and I appreciate and respect it so very much), this responsibility is predominantly mine. 
2. Protection.  In a civilized and law-abiding society, this is probably the least important of the primary roles.  Nonetheless, in the unlikely event that a threat would befall my family, this job is primarily mine to assume. 
3. Presence:  Sure, children all over the world survive just fine without a father, as they do sometimes without a mother.  But both parents provide different and equally important characteristics and learning opportunities to the kids.  And I am very confident that my presence, although less available, is just as valuable to them as Amanda's.

Yes, there are many additional roles and duties of fatherhood.  But none are more important than these three, and most can be categorized under one of them.

Unfortunately, t in my current circumstances, all of these roles are in conflict with one another.  I'll expand more on this in subsequent posts though.