Make Waste, Not Haste

Well, in addition to playing a crappy game of basketball today (what the $@*& happened to my confidence?), and having a frustrating day at work, I found out that we wasted $365 yesterday. That was the cost of an appraiser, in the interest of pursuing refinancing our house.

I knew our home has lost value (as everyone's has), but our circumstances (good credit rating, current mortgage is with a Freddie Mac affiliated bank) qualified us for a %125 loan-to-value refinance.

Since interest rates are low it would have not only saved us money on our monthly payments, but also in overall interest paid, and we would pay off our loan at around the same amount time as our current one, by paying just half of the $200 monthly savings back into the loan.

Zillow and another similar web site estimated us at only %107 loan-to-value, and the mortgage broker thought we could even skip the appraisal. He ended up being wrong though, and unfortunately the appraiser estimated the L-to-V at approximately 133% - screwed!

Essential Guidelines for Good Parenting

The more time I spend around people (friends, family, acquaintances, etc) with children, the more I have come to realize that there are very, very few good parents out there. I would even go so far as to say that maybe only 1 out of 7 familes are doing a good job of parenting.

I know, I know - everyone thinks that they are good parents (including myself, most of the time). And I also know that no one, including myself, is perfect (my patience is too short at times, and I don't spend as much time with them as I would like to due to being overly busy).

There are many aspects of what I would consider good parenting, including developing a relationship with your children (by spending time with them), listening to what they have to say (even if you don't want to hear it), providing for them (putting a roof over their head and food on the table), and protecting them (to the best of your ability anyway).

However, there are three simple absolutely essential guidelines that I have decided are the very bare necessities for good parenting.
They are as follows:

1. Love your children. Give them hugs, kisses, and words to encourage them and let them know on a regular basis that they are loved, accepted, appreciated, adored, etc.
   
   
2. Teach and guide them. Children come into this world knowing absolutely nothing about it, and there is a whole lot to learn. Any a-hole who relies solely on teachers in school to do the job is negligent in their duties, especially because books alone aren't going to get them through life smoothly and/or successfully.
   
   
3. And finally .... DISCIPLINE THEM! This is the one that I see performed the least. Even many couples whom I greatly love and respect - as people, as intellectuals, and even as Christians - refuse to discipline their children adequately!
   
   But what do I mean by "adequately"? It's pretty damned simple - if they are doing something wrong, and you tell them as such, then they do it again - then they need to be punished! Ok, fine - maybe you can tell them again and they can be given a second chance. But after that it's not sufficient to redirect them, ignore them, or laugh about it like they are being cute somehow - DISCIPLINE THEM, DAMNIT!
   
   I'm not saying you should be a Nazi who doesn't let your children express themselves and make mistakes, but if you don't discipline your kids when they do things that are wrong then they are not going to learn that a) you are in control and they need to obey you, and b) that what they are doing is wrong and is not only a bad choice, but it's not an acceptable way to act - in society, in school, or especially in my house!
   
   There are many methods of discipline to choose from, and I know that most people disagree on which one(s) are the best to use. Options include putting them in time out, grounding them to their room, taking away toys or other items, or even spanking them. But in all honesty it doesn't really matter which one(s) you choose - just pick one and USE IT!

Are You Talking to Me?

After playing basketball today during lunch (see previous post), I was stretching in the gym and talking to a guy who only plays ball once in a great while. We were both talking about exercising only sporadically and the struggle against weight gain.

Then he mentioned something about how it's easier for me though since I'm a natural athlete. I think I just shrugged it off and continued with a different aspect of the conversation. But a short while later his comment struck me as really interesting.

Me?? A natural athlete? Of all the people who knew me back in grade and high school, who the heck would ever have thought that I would ever, ever, ever be called naturally athletic?

Back then I was always the last to be picked and the worst one on the team. And it's still not unusual for me to have a really crummy game and even downright suck. But I'm tall, fit, and can move fairly fast, especially for my age (38). And if my confidence is high and I'm feeling physically good (enough sleep, some recent exercise, etc), then I can sometimes bring a pretty darned good game.

And maybe, just maybe, with all of the basketball, ultimate frisbee, and a continuous effort to stay somewhat fit - maybe I've actually made myself into someone who really is athletic.

Basketball Bragging

I've been playing basketball now for a couple of years - sometimes at work during lunch, and more recently in an "E" league (the lowest ability) for two seasons. Generally, I am not very good. And often I really truly suck.

But then there are the occasional exceptions, the good days. Well, today was one of them. In fact it was maybe one of my best days of basketball yet. Today, there even were oohs, aahs, and "damn!s" directed toward me on the court. The other guys were even talking about it in the locker room afterward.

For starters, there is a guy named Jason who played ball in high school - he's a couple inches taller than me, he's fresh out of college (young), in great shape, and undoubtedly the best player on the court at work. Well, today he intercepted a pass in the back of the court and was heading toward the basket at full speed. But I poured on the gas to catch up and just as he was about to drop it in for the easy lay up - there I was. Bam! Denied it!

Then later he had the ball in the back court. I was going in the same direction as him and a little ahead of him, but then I changed directions and swiped it right out from under him, then sped behind him for a layup. I also intercepted several passes (including one intended for him), grabbed another steal or two, and made about 2-3 baskets in each of the first two games (we only play to 11).

Maybe playing with Bill (full court) on Monday helped. Or maybe getting more sleep than usual lately helped (it's honestly a weird feeling for me not to be tired). Or maybe it was the cooler fall weather, or a combination of all of the above. Whatever the reason though, I was on.

It wasn't a perfect game though- Jason did pay me back later by cold beating down one of my shots. And I did miss several other shots too, including an easy layup after one of my steals. But it was good enough to get numerous compliments, including from Jason. And I can't say that it didn't feel good. Now if only I could play like that consistently!

Pictures of Pomegranate Paradise

<-- The tree after already picking about half of the fruit.

It's Pomegranate season! And the tree in our backyard had fourteen fruits on it this year. It would probably have more, but at least 2/3 of the tree was getting choked out by a neighboring tree - I have since trimmed it up though so the P-tree will get more sun and hopefully produce even more fruit next year.
While it takes a little bit of work and a lot of mess to extract the seeds/fruit (that red juice squirts everywhere), they are really sweet and tasty and as you can see we all have fun opening and eating them.

Money Matters, for Midgets

One of the things we took away from the Love and Logic class last year was that it's never too early to start teaching kids about money. I like this idea not only because it helps them to learn about saving money and buying things for themselves, but it also helps them to understand us when we say that things they are asking for are too expensive. And hopefully they will also understand more about the value of their toys, having seen how difficult it is to save up enough to buy them.

Amanda and I decided to give them an allowance amount equivalent to their age each month, but on a weekly basis. For example, since Lucas is 4, we give him $1 per week. In exchange for their allowance though, they have to perform one chore each. Lucas helps me dump all of the small garbages on Sunday night (the truck comes on Monday morning) and Emily helps to keep the crumbs off of the kitchen floor using our "Shark".

For slightly more expensive toys (>$5), I decided to match the kids money dollar for dollar if they are willing to save up for their half of the price. The first big item Lucas bought his with his own money was a set of small construction trucks (picture is below). I've been trying to encourage him to save for a decent Lego set, but he has a very difficult time denying himself the joy of Matchbox or Hot Wheels cars. But at $1 - $1.50 per car, who can really blame him.

Mindful of the Mustache Memories

Before shaving off the fu-man-chu I had developed for my new work badge picture, I left a mustache on just to see how it would look.

And as you can see below (the picture is a little dark), I look pretty ridiculous with it.


It made me think of my dad though - he had a mustache for most of my memories. And it looked pretty good on him (as you can see below).


Thinking back, I remember him carrying a black plastic comb around with him, and after his head hair he would also brush his mustache. I also recall as a kid getting scratchy goodnight kisses from him and his facial hair. He would sometimes shave it off, but all of us kids much preferred him with it.

What's funny is that after growing out my beard recently (before changing it to a fu-man-chu), my kids said that they preferred me with the facial hair too. The best I can figure why is maybe because facial hair makes men look tougher? That little bit of lip hair made a big difference on my dad, and I honestly think that the tougher a dad looks, the more secure and safe kids feel, even if it's subconscious.

Thinking about all of this made me miss him greatly. Then I started to imagine what life would be like if he were still around. He would be an awesome grandpa to my kids. How proud I always was for my friends to meet him - he was not only a bad-ass cop, but also a easy going and friendly guy. I'm sure I would feel even more proud for my kids to know him, and I bet Lucas would especially fawn over him. Then my son could have more mustache memories too.