Prophetic Daughter?

I was having a bad moment as a dad yesterday evening.  Amanda was at her sister's bachelorette party, and I was flying solo.  I was watching "The Smurfs" movie with the kids, and there was a scene where Neil Patrick Harris' character observes a young couple with their toddler son walking between them, after which the dad picks him up and kisses him.  His character then realizes how despite life's frustrations he is content with the anticipation of being a father (or something like that).

As for me, I had gotten frustrated with my own kids during dinner, especially with Emily and Clara for taking so long to eat their soup.  I'm sure there were other things too, such as annoying noises, repeated jokes (for the 100th time), and who knows what else.  Now, watching this scene unfold on the couch (after we finally finished our dinner), I was thinking about how all I do is nag my kids and get annoyed with them.  I am a no-fun, killjoy of a dad.  I suck.

Just then, Emily came over to me and gave me a great big hug, and Clara followed her big sister to do the same.  As both of them were bear hugging me Emily said "Your daughters sure do love you", after which I relied "and I sure do love my daughters."

She moved back to look at me and said "Dad, I know you get frustrated with us sometimes, but God is still proud of you."  Then they went back to watching the movie like nothing happened, and I sat there with my mouth on the floor.  Only God knew how much I needed to hear that just then.  So thank you God, and also thanks to my daughter Emily too.

A Legal Perspective on Prop 8?

In a previous blog post, I mentioned how I thought our attitudes, as Christians, should be oriented regarding the issue of gay marriage - through the perspective of the Bible.

The more I discussed this with other people though, and the more I thought about it, the more I began thinking that there is ground to stand on not only from a moral/Biblical perspective, but also from a legal perspective.  And here's why:

The biggest defense in favor of  eliminating Proposition 8 is based on the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment, which states that

"no state shall ... deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

But how, exactly, are homosexuals currently denied equal protection?  They have the exact same right as you and me - to marry someone of the same gender.  The laws of marriage as it is currently defined are not being applied differently to them because of their sexual orientation.  Instead, what they are really trying to change is not who the law applies to (or doesn't apply to), but how the law defines marriage.

So the issue is not whether they are being denied the same rights as others, but of wanting new rights to be added that pertain specifically to them.  So what gay people want is really equality based not on gender, or on race, but based on their sexual preferences.

I had to think for a while to come up with any similar moral/legal dilemmas that could parallel that of gay marriage.  Some that came to mind are prostitution, marrying within family (siblings, cousins, parents, etc).  But I think the best example to use is polygamy.  Because not only is it a moral uncertainty, but it would also require an effort to redefine marriage to suit a minority of people.  Even if all parties that wish to participate are adults and are in complete agreement, for some reason we choose to keep it illegal.  Is it only because advocates of this "lifestyle" aren't vocal enough, or because there aren't a large enough quantity of them to provide the political pressure?  Or because long-term menage-a-trois aren't ingrained enough in our culture to be considered "normal" yet?

Valentine's Day Success

Well, after much effort and agony (in preparation), Valentine's Day was pretty successful.  Here are some highlights:

• Amanda still had flowers that were in tact from the last time that I gave them to her, so I was able to forego getting new ones.  
• I gave her a gift in the morning (it was somewhat practical, but only at her request).  
• Wrote a small love note to her in the early afternoon.
• I arranged for two stages of babysitting for the evening...
• ...so we could go on a surprise date to Sherman Clay, where they were holding a concert called "Sweethearts and Steinway" in their recital room.  They had wine and dessert for us to consume, and a jazz trio consisting of pianist Jim Martinez, a drummer, a standing bass, and a vocalist for some of the songs (which I guess made it a quartet for those tunes).
• Before our date I gave her a (long and thoughtful) card.
• I made reservations at Mas (a kinda-upscale Mexican restaurant), for us to have dinner after the concert.
• Then I had one more small gift for her at the end of the evening.

We probably spent a bit more money than we should have, but this occasion comes only once a year, and I think the celebration/promotion of romance is worth it.  While the day had its ups and downs (as is always the case when taking care of the kids), we thoroughly enjoyed our evening together.  Of course, any date spent with Amanda is a good one though.

A Christian Perspective on Prop 8

Today a federal appeals court decided that the Prop8 vote to ban gay marriage is unconstitutional (see the USA Today article here).

First, let me say that I can understand both sides of the argument regarding the constitutionality of gay marriage.  And because I can see both opinions on the matter, I don't really know the clear answer regarding whether it should or shouldn't be allowed, from a purely legal perspective.

I'm not surprised to see many people happy about this decision either (on Facebook, etc).  Gay marriage is essentially allowing two adults make the ultimate expression of their dedication and love for one another.  It's an expansion of individual liberty and freedoms as well.  So why shouldn't the secular world cheer for that - yay for love and happily ever after.

What does surprise me though, is to see people who are Christians happy about it.  I'm not saying that all Christians should be angry about it, or should even feel the need to rally against homosexual marriage.  But why would you be happy about further legitimizing and promoting in our society something that is not only a sin, but an "abomination", according to the Bible?  I'm not talking about whether we should appreciate gays as individual people, or whether to be friends with them, etc.  I totally think that we should, and when the opportunity has arisen, I personally have.  I have had gay friends, I have happily worked aside gay co-workers, and I have no issues with even fellow church goers whom are gay.  In fact, one of my roommates in college was gay.  I have no problem with them as people, and I love and enjoy each of them for who they are and what their personalities have to offer.  And if they themselves are not Christians, than why would they not pursue the desires of their heart and/or their sexuality?

However, that still doesn't change my belief that their actions and lifestyle are sinful and wrong.  This is because I believe in the Bible.  And I tend to think that any other person who believes and adheres to the Bible should agree with me on this.  Because from a Biblical perspective, there is no uncertainty about it being wrong.

Whether or not it is ingrained, accepted, or even promoted in our culture should not affect our opinion of what we personally think about the action.  Pornography, objectification, and pre-marital sex are all just as readily, if not even more so promoted and accepted as "normal" in our society.  But as Christians, we are supposed to morally rise about our surroundings and our culture.  I'm not saying this because I think Christians are better or holier than others, but because our moral compass should not be defined by, nor should it even be heavily influenced by our society.  Ideally, it should only be guided by and defined by what the Bible says.

But how much should Christians be influencing our laws, based on our Bible-based moral beliefs?  We certainly don't want to pursue our own version of Sharia law.  The answer to this may certainly vary on an individual basis, and I don't think we should be pursuing further modification of the laws to enact new legal restrictions on people (against porn, for example).  But I don't think it's overstepping our bounds to resist further immoral freedoms either, such as prostitution and homosexual marriage.  And if we are to set an example to others regarding what we stand for, then it definitely seems like a bad idea to actively and/or publicly promote, encourage, or advocate advancement of what we should believe (again, based on the Bible) are immoral agendas.

As an American, and a Libertarian, I can appreciate and even applaud people gaining freedom to make their own individual decisions.  But above both of those belief systems, above everything else that could possibly shape and influence my opinions, I am a follower of Christ, and a believer in the Bible as the set of standards to live by.  So for this reason, I am disappointed in today's outcome.

Huh, Her Husband Looks Kinda Old

The title of this post is what I was thinking when I recently looked at a girl's Facebook pictures from high school.  Her picture popped up in the "People You May Know" section.  I didn't really know her, so I didn't care to request her as a "friend", but I'm generally curious about where and what everyone from high school is up to these days.  So I briefly browsed through her pictures.  And that is what led me to the subject title.

But that isn't the real reason for this blog post.  Oh no.

You see, after I had that thought, for some reason I had to analyze why I would think that about him.  He looked fairly slim and/or in decent shape (not fat).  He had a full head of hair too.  But there's a little bit of grey, and just a few telltale wrinkles.  Nothing major, but just enough.

And it's the next thought that entered my mind that led me to this post.  That guy in the pictures, her husband, he looks like ME.

I'M that old!

A little bit of grey, a few wrinkles.  DAMN!

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As an update, I showed the pictures to Amanda and she thought he looks older than me.  Because his hairstyle is more conservative and he's dressed in a tie.  I don't know though, she might just be biased.

Flagstar Bank = Anger and Frustration

Right now I am shaking with the adrenaline associated with wanting to punch someone in the face.  I just got off of the phone with Catherine, a Flagstar representative, and I honestly cannot recall the last time that I felt this angry.  No, I don't want to inflict violence upon Catherine, although she was the least caring and sympathetic person that I've talked to at their company (and I've talked to quite a few over there in the last several months).  I just want to punch Flagstar in the face, if only it had one to punch.

Since losing my job in September, I have attempted to apply for forbearance with my mortgage company, (any guesses who they are?).  Yes, I know they will be doing me a big favor by granting me this.  Because of that, I also think that it should not necessarily be an easy process, as the the purpose of this option is to help me avoid foreclosure.  So I don't mind if they want to make me work for it, at least in the sense of proving that it's needed and providing them with the documentation that they need to thoroughly review my situation.  I get that.  It makes total sense to me and I'm comfortable with spending the time and making the necessary effort on my end.  And finally, I think they should only grant forbearance after applicants follow their procedure, and meet their guidelines.

So if that all makes sense to me, and I sound pretty rational and understanding about the whole thing, then why am I so angry?

Because I have been attempting to complete the application process for over three months now, since September 12th.  I have cumulatively and literally (yes, I know what this word means) spent days on this effort.  I have gathered documents, compiled financial data, composed letters, and printed, copied, and faxed more than 150 pages to them.

I've learned enough from previous mistakes in my life to keep track of details in projects such as this, so at the very beginning of my effort I generated and have been consistently adding to what is now a 7 page Word document.  This document lists every date that I've worked on this process, along with almost every document that I've faxed to them on these dates (some are listed elsewhere), every phone call I've made (time, date, person I spoke with), and every suggestion/request that I've been given from their representatives.

Yet I have not successfully traversed their obstacles, despite having attempted to do so three times so far.  Why?

• There is no publicly available list of documents that must be submitted to them for this process.
• Each representative that I have spoken to has a different understanding of which documents they need to receive. I have been told "all you still need is .... for it to be opened", but then still had it closed.
• There is no publicly available information informing applicants how to fill out these documents.  I have had different representatives give me different information about this, specifically for the Profit and Loss statement and for the 4506-T form.
• They don't always receive the faxes that I send in and/or they do not process them in a manner that is timely enough to avoid closing the file.
• There is no one to complain to, as the representatives refuse to transfer you to a manager, or even another representative that you had previously spoken with.  They refuse to even give you information on how to file a complaint.  All they will do is input your complaint into their system, where I feel confident it will be completely ignored.

So now I have been told to submit a new application package.  In short, to start all over again for what will be the fourth time.  But why should I believe that submitting another package of documents for opening my case of forbearance will have any different result than before, after being denied three times already?  Keep in mind that I have been denied this not because I don't meet their circumstantial requirements, but because I have been trying to hit a moving target in the form of being consistently (although I do not necessarily believe it was intentionally) misled about what documentation is required of me and how to fill out that required documentation.

I now have a decision to make - to give up the process and let the chips fall where they may, or to spend (waste?) the time required to generate and gather the list of documents that I have most recently been informed about.  If I attempt to accomplish this yet again, the odds are highly in favor of another frustrating disappointment.

Despite the unlikelihood of success though, I will proceed with another attempt.  Because I am only in control of what choices I make.  And whatever happens with our mortgage and our living conditions (in the event of foreclosure), I can still take some solace in knowing that at least I did my best.  Whether I am able to avoid that worst case scenario though, still remains to be seen.

No Good Deed Goes Un-pooped On

It has been beautiful outside lately, so I joined Amanda and the kids for a walk the other day.  While we were in the back end of our neighborhood though, we noticed a little terrier-type dog with a green sweater walking down the middle of the road.  There didn't seem to be anyone else nearby who was paying any attention to it, and I figured if the owner was around, then he/she probably would have been trying to prevent the pooch from playing chicken with the traffic.

As it neared us, I got down on my haunches and motioned it over, which it surprisingly did!  It's tag indicated the name of "Bailey", and we recognized the address on the other side of the tag as being in our neighborhood.  So I scooped it up and we proceeded to hunt down the owner and return Bailey to his family.

The dog seemed comfortable and happy enough with me holding him, but unfortunately I was getting a little uncomfortable with his stinky smell wafting up into my nostrils.  Then, about halfway to our destination, the smell began to get a whole lot worse.  I shifted Bailey's weight higher up onto my arm, and observed brown smears on my hand.  The dog had shit on me!! 

Luckily it wasn't a large volume of poo, as it wasn't running down my arm and under the rolled up sleeves of my shirt or anything.  But I forced myself to continue holding this crappy, stinky dog for another entire block.

When we finally arrived at our destination, the owner (a lady in her mid to upper 50s) was grateful.  Before we departed though, I requested a wet paper towel or something to wipe the bulk of the excrement off of me, to which she happily obliged.  I guess getting pooped on is a small price to pay to help make the world a little better place, especially for the holidays.